Saturday, September 4, 2010
Caltron 6 in 1
Caltron 6 in 1, made in Taiwan, in 1992 is one of the rarest NES games ever made. It will cost you $250 to own a copy of this game, and well the money could be spent on a whole lot of other, better games. Not to say Caltron 6 in 1 is a bad game, of the top 6 RAREST NES games (the panesians, stadium events, cheetahmen 2, This) it's probably the best of the lot, but to be fair thats not really saying much. Caltron is a multi cart (if your retarded ass couldn't tell from the 6 in 1 part.) with SIX games, and well 5 of the six games are ripoffs, and because I hate myself I will talk about all 6 of them. Exciting!
Cosmos Cop is the first of the six games and to be honest it's a very boring game. It's a ripoff of Space Harrier (which to be honest I don't like too much to begin with!). It's a very boring game where you just shoot at enemies. It's also rather hard, but to be fair it's probably one of the better games on the cart, with some pretty decent graphics but those graphics don't really make the game, you know, fun or interesting.
Magic Carpet 1001 is the only original game on the list, it's a very tedious and hard shooter, just like Cosmos Cop, and just like Cosmos Cop it has some pretty decent graphics, not great or anything but decent, still like Cosmos Cop, the graphics don't make the game any more fun.
Adam & Eve (which has no relation to the Bible story at least I'm sure it doesn't. I don't think Adam or Eve flew around on balloons killing worms, but It's been at least 12 years since I've been to church so maybe I'm wrong, but I doubt it) is a ripoff of Balloon Fight, and to be honest a very unfun one, for two big reasons. Terrible control. Balloon Fight was an easy game to control, however the Taiwan fuckheads who made Adam & Eve made it very hard to make your character move upwards. Also the worms will stick to the top of the screen making it impossible to fucking kill them.
Balloon Monster (which is probably a better title for the above game I suppose) is probably the worst game of the bunch. It's a ripoff of the game Pang / Buster Bros. I'm not exactly a fan of that game either but at least it gave you a fucking chance to beat a level. The gravity in the room causes the balloon to come very close to the bottom of the screen, and when you pop it smaller balloons come down. There's so many balloons, so close to the bottom in about 5 seconds that its impossible to beat. seriously you'd have to be Jesus to beat this damn game, and I'm sure he has better fucking things to do then beat shitty Taiwanese games.
Porter is a ripoff of some gameboy game called Boxxle. I've never played it, but I might seeing as Porter is kinda fun. That's right. I said kinda fun. These Taiwanese fuckheads finally got one of these games right, still the first two levels of this puzzle game are incredibly easy, where as the third level is kinda hard. at least I've never beaten it. Of course I've only played it for 10 minutes.
Our final game is Bookyman which is probably the best of the lot. It's a ripoff of Make Trax (yeah, i've never heard of it either) and is actually a pretty fun game. You play as a some kind of painting bug (don't ask me, ask Taiwan...) who has to paint the ground and escape from some frog lizard things. (again, ask Taiwan...). What makes this game fun is that its just a simple arcade-esque game. Avoid the enemies, beat the level, get points, it's just simple fun.
So yeah, there you have it. Not a great game, hell not even a good game four of the six games are incredibly bad, where as the other two are only okay. Also because I'm sure someone will go on about it, all of the unsold Caltron games were bought by a company called Myraid and they did nothing to fix the games or anything just plastered a fucking label on it and tried to sell it. It sold poorly and the Myraid version of the game goes for over a thousand dollars, and I'm going to be honest here anyone who spends over a thousand dollars for a goddamn label is one god damn dumb motherfucker.
Buy it or Skip It: If you come across this game cheaply, buy it. Even if you don't like either of the two passable games you can easily sell the fucking thing for $250, so you'd have to be a complete moron not to pick it up...