Monstrosity (1987)

Andy Milligan was a very interesting man. I seriously mean that. The dude had got to be a little out of his mind. I mean no one who was completely sane could create a movie like this. Monstrosity was created by a very weird individual... and I think that's why I liked it. I'm a very weird individual... and I would probably make a movie as batshit crazy as this one. Seriously, I gotta hand it to Mr. Milligan, he wrote, directed AND created the sets and costumes for all of his movies... too bad all of his movies are just too goddamn weird for most people. Thankfully, I'm not most people.

The movie starts off rather serious and sane... it's about a bunch of punks that go around doing punk things, like murder and rape. Anyway, they end up raping Mark's girlfriend, and later on kill her.. Which you know pisses Mark off (you know rightfully so) and well he and his friends create a Frankenstein like Monster named Frankie that they use to kill the punks. That doesn't sound too weird, in fact it sounds rather mundane, and it is (although still entertaining) the movie doesn't get balls to the walls weird until the last 30 minutes... and as much as I would like to tell you what happens. I just can't. It simply must be seen to be believed.

The movie isn't acted very well, or directed very well, but I didn't really expect it to be, however, the movie is very entertaining, mostly because of how weird it is. Anyway, I'd say give Monstrosity a shot, it's a pretty enjoyable piece of trashy fun. I give it two thumbs up, yeah, how do you like that ROGER EBERT, YOU JAWLESS FUCK.

RoboCop (1988 / 1989)

Well, I did something earlier this week, something that no human being should do... I watched an Irate Gamer episode... yes, I watched a unfunny man flail his arms around and yell at old video games. Old video games that weren't even that bad, but I don't really care what games they trash as long as they are goddamn funny, and the Irate Gamer isn't goddamn funny (although I don't see how half of them were ever funny, Armake21 is about as funny as the Irate Gamer... but people loved Armake... Oh well, who really cares)

Anyway, it all ties into this review, The Irate Gamer's latest episode is about the 1989 (I think, I'm too lazy to boot up the game to find out) NES game RoboCop. RoboCop, for you that do not know is not only one of the coolest action films ever, it's also one of the smartest, AND IT'S GOT THE DAD FROM THAT 70S SHOW (which the Irate Gamer mentions and then makes stupid jokes about the rest of the cast... and they had nothing to do with the movie... or the game) Anyway, I don't fucking need to tell you about RoboCop. You already know about it, if you havent seen it. Stop reading this shit and go see it! Now!

RoboCop for the NES is actually a pretty decent game, made by Ocean... a company I think is actually worse than LJN and published by Data East, a very mediocre company who made games I truly hate like Karnov. I think I may hate Karnov more than Hitler hated jews. or more than the Tea Party hates Obama. And that's a goddamn lot. Anyway, let's get to the game. RoboCop does a lot of things right. It's got nice graphics, good music and sounds and controls well. Most people will harp on the fact you can't jump, but the game is made so you dont fucking need to Jump you dumb sons of bitches.

Anyway, this wasn't much of a review, was it? Anyway, I got some stuff ready to be posted in the upcoming days.. and I mean it too! Tomorrow will have an update! Not a good one though, but if you expected good things from this blog by now than you are truly truly stupid.

The Galaxy Invader (1985)

I must say that I love the movies of Baltimore's Don Dohler. They were all ridiculously cheesy films, but for the most part you could tell everyone was having a lot of fun making these movies. Fiend, Nightbeast and The Alien Factor are three really enjoyable B-movies that you should check out if you like that kinda shit. I'm still glad I have a bunch of movies he's made to still check out but it's a shame he won't be making any more because of his death in 2006.

Today I will be looking at his fourth motion picture, the 1985 oscar winning classic The Galaxy Invader... and by oscar winning I mean shot on video movie nobody has given a shit about ever. Except weirdos like myself. Anyway this is to be fair, of the four movies I've seen by Donny, the weakest... which isn't too fair because the others are all a whole lot more entertaining. First, I'll start with the positives. I fucking love the character of Joe Montague, a redneck that sounds like Jimmy Stewart (well sometimes he does and sometimes he doesnt..) I doubt they were trying to make this character funny, but he ends up being a hoot. Everyone else in this movie except him and his pal Frank Custard, well, they kinda suck and aren't entertaining in the least. I also think the Monster is pretty cool, but Dohler always made cool monsters... and I wish it had a little more to do in the movie but it's still okay. I probably like him because for some reason he reminds me of Moss Man from He-Man.

There seems to be a lot of scenes that are totally useless and not very interesting. I'm going to be honest, while I kinda did like this movie, I have to say that it does drag in parts. A lot of parts, but the more amusing moments do make up for the slow lulls. At least that's what I believe. Anyway, in the end, The Galaxy Invader shouldn't be the first movie you see by Don Dohler, check out the other three I mentioned beforehand, if you liked them, than you should give this one a shot. It's not great, but I was still amused enough to write a semi-positive review of it.