Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Dragon's Lair (1990)
The original Dragon's Lair was like an interactive cartoon. You could choose what Dirk the Daring would do, which made for a really neat little game, maybe not high on the reply value because after beating it once you'd know what to do, but I'm told the game sucked up a lot of quarters back than, and I wish I was around to have played it. Seemed like a very neat idea, but I'm sure if you are visiting this blog you are already nerdy enough to know about Dragon's Lair and the animation by Don Bluth (who went on to animated The Secret of Nimh, The Land Before Time, All Dogs go to Heaven, and An American Tail. All classics of cinematic beauty if you ask me.) and I'm pretty sure if you showed him this game it would kill him. Seriously he's an old man. He'd probably commit suicide or die of a heart attack seeing this filth ruin his ideas.
Yes, for you people who want to see me scream at an old video game are in luck. Today we are reviewing what I consider to be the second worst NES game of all time, the NSTC version of Dragon's Lair (you'll see why I mention that version in particular) and I must be fair and start out with the positives, and yes youtube reviewers even this game has positives. The graphics are decent, nice and cartoony but I think they are also a little grainy, it's kinda hard to explain but they feel really grainy to me, still despite that the graphics aren't too bad. The music is decent enough too. MotiveTime (the actual people who programmed this shit) did an alright job there too. So far they are not doing too badly! BUT THEY WILL BE
You see, this game is plauged by a horrible problem. Your character moves to god damn slow. I mean that, add in the fact that your character also dies by touching pretty much everything (except bats) and is way too big causes a lot of deaths and frustration. And you know what is the really god damn annoying thing, the fact that the game runs twice as fast in Japan and PAL countries meaning they got a game where the character actually moves at a god damn mother fucking normal pace. That's god damn shitty isn't it? Damn, but yes, the controls are fucked, the challenge is fucked, the fun factor is fucked, the game play is totally fucked. so when all those things are fucked it doesn't really matter that the graphics and sound are decent.
I don't think you should waste a cent on this game and most people agree with me, but I figure you should give it a shot on an emulator or if you find it very cheaply, you never know if you may be one of the 2 people out there who could possibly be able to enjoy this game, but stranger things have happened. Now if you excuse me, I'm sick and tired of talking about this game, so I'm going to change gears a bit. Next up is a game I don't really like but don't really hate, in fact it's just very mediocre! What game is that!? YOU'LL SEE.