Thursday, January 20, 2011

Bible Adventures (1991)

I'm not the most religious person out there. I don't know what I really believe in and to be fair I don't really care to bother to find out. Whatever happens to me after I die isn't going to happen for a long ass time (at least I hope it won't), but I do know one thing I believe to be true, Bible Adventures is a pretty bad video game. And we shall see why! Won't that be fun kids? Yeah, I know it won't be a single iota of fun but shut up and keep on reading.


Bible Adventures is to be quite honest, not a very good game, but a brilliant marketing idea. Seriously there were MANY Christians and Catholics and all kinda Jesus Lovers who had Nintendos for their children. What better way to let your kid know about the Bible than a Video game!? None! Shit, even the worst video game is still gonna be more fun than Sunday School! Anyway, Bible Adventures is split up into 3 games, Noah's Ark, Baby Moses, and David and Goliath. And they all really suck real bad. Really, really bad. Like getting punched in the groin bad. Groin is one funny word. haha. Groin.


Anyway, I'm going to be honest here, the biggest problem with this game at least for me is the slippery as fuck controls, everything else is decent, and pretty well done for an unlicensed company, but they must have let in that fucker who programmed the controls for every other Color Dreams piece of shit do it for this one because the controls really fucking eat shit. You slip everywhere, causing you to fall off a piece of land and die so very quickly. It's just not fun doing that repeatedly, and maybe it's just me, but in the Noah's Ark game it's really hard to keep ahold of the animals, and I don't know how people have gotten screenshots of them holding more than 2 animals. You people are GODS I SAY. GODS.

Anyway, I don't really like this game to be honest, and I don't really like most of Wisdom Tree's output, Exodus and Joshua were at best okay games, but there was one of them I really liked, which one you say? You'll have to wait for another time. Despite my dislike of this game I'd never sell my copy because the idea of a Bible based video game, as I've said before, amuses the absolute hell out of me. Seriously, that's some funny shit right there.


  1. Wisdom Tree should have teamed up with Capcom or Konami and made a game about the book of Revelation. It could be called "Mark of the Beast" or something, and you have to slay the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as Jesus with a flaming sword.

  2. Ooh ooh, I know which game you like! I know which game you like! Ooh ooh! *hand raised* Pick me, pick me!