This is like if I recall correctly the SIXTH time I've seen this movie. And sadly that puts this movie along with Spaceballs, Care Bears 2: A New Generation, and Evil Dead 2 in a list of movies I've seen the most in my life time. As you can tell I don't rewatch movies too much.. I'm weird like that, but Halloween 5 does not deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as those cinematic masterpieces. (yes Care Bears 2 is a cinematic masterpiece piss off) You want to know why? Those movies mentioned above do what they set out to do and do it well, I honestly do think that. I mean okay It's been probably a decade since I watched Care Bears 2 but I'm sure it did what it set out to do well. Halloween 5 it simply does not do what it set out to do well, and that is scare or entertain. This movie to be completely honest, is fucking annoying. The characters are among some of the most annoying fuckers in the history of cinema. I seriously hate Wendy Kaplan because of her portrayal of Tina in this movie. Like I mean seriously god damn hate her, and I hope she is homeless now. and a crack addict. I also wish the same fate on those goddamn annoying cops (and the goddamn annoying music that plays along whenever they show up. YES, I know that's a homage to The Last House on the Left, but FUCK WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO A HOMAGE TO THE WORST PART OF THAT MOVIE?? like really?) but to be fair. Dr. Loomis is still really fun to watch and his scenes don't make me want to gouge out my eyes. Everything else in this movie does. Without a doubt, the worst Halloween movie.
Well I did say the last movie was the worst Halloween movie, so it makes this hunk of shit a runner up, and yes I do know about the Producer's Cut, and no I don't ever want to see it. I don't care if the producers cut made more sense out of the incredibly stupid plot, the plot is still fucking stupid. I don't care if the producers cut makes Casablanca look like a piece of shit. I will always very much dislike this movie. You want to know why? Because the god damn Thorn cult bullshit. Yes, thats right. Michael Myers is a part of a cult. I don't even want to begin explaining how god damn stupid that is. That is so fucking bothersome to me.. I don't even know where to begin. Seriously. That's just a god damn stupid fucking idea and I hope whoever came up with it was beaten with sticks (I'm not completely sure, hints around the thorn cult came up in part 5, which was written by Michael Jacobs, yes the same Michael Jacobs who worked on Dinosaurs and Boy Meets World, the director of the movie, and some other bozo. I don't know if thats something they did, or if its an idea the writer of this movie came up with, either way. Whoever it is, deserves a beating.. even if it was Michael Jacobs... what I like Dinosaurs and Boy Meets World) Also the characters aren't interesting and it kinda seems a waste to bring back Tommy Doyle from the first movie, and not much Dr. Loomis, but thats to be fair as Donald Pleasance died during filming, which is a god damn shame, because it has to suck having this pile of pig shit be the last thing you ever stared in.
Halloween H20 is actually a pretty entertaining movie. It tries its hardest to be as good as the original movies, which is a good thing. It brings back characters, which is also a good thing. It ignores the last three movies, WHICH HOLY SHIT, IS A GOOD THING. (mostly because the thorn plot shit is goddamn stupid) it's directed pretty well. It has a pretty good plot in which Laurie Strode didn't die in a car crash and is really hiding out in California with her son and she's a headmistress of a very hoity toity school, which is a neat setting for a Halloween movie! I also like the tyrefrences to the first two, some repeated lines of dialouge, the Mr. Sandman song from the sequel, those were pretty neat to me. I really don't have too much to say about this movie other than It's a pretty enjoyable sequel with entertaining characters, a pretty good plot. The only problems this movie are easily explained. I mean you can't have any Dr. Loomis when Donald Pleasance is dead, and the poster is rather unoriginal and bland, but thats a problem every single fucking horror movie had during the Scream days, say what you will about the movies themselves, but FUCK did those posters suck ass.
I don't have much to say about this one either, except that I did enjoy watching it. I mean I fucking hate the retarded "oh it wasn't Michael's head she chopped off but a random cops head" bullshit plot line they dreamt up to bring back Michael Myers, but in the end this movie was entertaininghe may not be a very good actor, but you can tell Mr. Rhymes had fun doing this movie, sure a lot of his dialogue is absoletely retarded (which to be fair makes it funny) but you can tell he was having a good time there, AND frankly I'm glad he kicked Michael Myers ass, that was refreshing to see. SOMEONE TRYING TO ACTUALLY BEAT THE KILLER. I know. Crazy huh??? Also this movie has Michael Myers versus a cute girl with a chainsaw. Now if that doesn't make you want to see this movie, I don't know what will.
Well, except for the two remakes, that's the entire Halloween series. You may be wondering what I think of the remakes, well, the original was a tolerable movie and the sequel just sucked. I don't really care about ever rewatching them and I don't really want to talk about them. I didn't particularly care for them. That's it. I hope you enjoyed this two part review of the Halloween series and if you didn't, I don't really blame you.
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