Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Uncanny X-Men (1989)
I'm not the world's biggest X-Men fan, to be honest I only really like the issues of the series that Chris Claremount wrote. Maybe some of Louise Simonsons stuff, but I only really like the X-Men stuff from the 1970s and 1980s. I haven't read any of the really old 1960s stuff but I hear its crazy but to be fair every comic written back then was crazy so it fits. Anyway, The X-Men of the 70s and 80s were good times. X-Men from the 90s to now...ehhhh... and I'm pretty sure you'd have to be crazy or the world's biggest X-Men fan to be able to enjoy this game.
I don't really feel like going into the history of the X-Men at least not because of this game. If I ever talk about the X-Men's history it would be in a different article. Mostly because I'm lazy and this game doesn't deserve any amount of time spent on it (yet I spent HOURS of my time beating it. I don't get me either) and for fuck sake you are on the internet reading this shitty blog, you probably know all about the fucking X-Men already, and you can tell this paragraph is an attempt to put off talking about this awful game and it sure as hell isn't working.
You already know that I stick up for games, not to be cool or anything, I mean I stopped trying to be cool in the 5th grade when I realized it would never happen. I'm lame and I'm proud of it! I just stick up for those games because honestly I don't see what so terrible about them. Maybe I'm just too nice to games, maybe I just try to be positive to them. I don't know. I do know this, The Uncanny X-Men for the NES is DEFINITELY one of the worst uses of a license ever. Even if you aren't an X-Men fan at all you can still admit that a game based around the X-Men can be awesome. I mean to be fair a game based around any superhero can be awesome if done right. The X-Men for the NES was not done right. Not at all.
This game was published by LJN and I have no idea who actually programmed it (remember, LJN only sold the games, never programmed them) and that is a shame because I have no idea who to firebomb for this incredibly awful pile of putrid shit. And don't be like LOL YOU ONLY PLAYED IT FOR 5 MINUTES GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT (yes I'm mad at the person who said this.) I didn't I beat this damn game. THIS STUPID UGLY SHITTY GAME. You want some reasons why this game sucks? Here I'll give you the biggest reason why this game blows. The enemies (which never stop coming) can easily shove you into a corner and fuck your ass so goddamn hard that you will not survive. Add in awful music, ugly levels, bosses that you do not even need to fight (I'm not joking when I say I just strolled on by 4 of the 5 bosses) and the fact whoever made this had no idea about the X-Men. The X-Men have never fought Boomerang. God damnit HE'S NOT EVEN A FUCKING MUTANT. Jesus.
This game could be tolerable if it wasn't for that annoying thing the enemies do where they ram you against a wall and keep fucking you . That is bothersome. Very god damn bothersome. Fuck this game. Fuck it hard. FUCK.