Thursday, April 28, 2011

Shot on Video Horror Movies PART 1!!!

Yes, it's another part 1 that will probably never be continued! Today I shall be looking at a few Shot on Video horror movies from the 1980s and 1990s. Shot on video movies were incredibly, incredibly, low budget made by people who had way too much free time, some were damn awesome, and some sucked shit out of a hippo's ass, just like every other type of film out there, and during the 1980s, they made so god damn many of these that I can't keep track of them. I seriously think that despite not having the larger budgets of studio movies, SOV films were still pretty enjoyable and have oodles of charm. So let's talk about a bunch of them today, some good and some well, not so good.

This is probably my favorite shot on video movie. Either this or it's sequel. It's just a balls to the walls crazy movie, filled with tons of silly gags and silly characters, however unlike the sequel this, at least from what I remember, TRIED to be a bit serious but either way the camp value of this movie is through the god damn roof. I love Howard & Eli. Also this movie was made because of something some lady said to Gary Cohen, the director, she was all like is this movie ok for my children? and Gary said it had tons of decapitations and shit in it, and she was like, but no nudity, and he said no, and well she rented it. I wish my mother was like that! Anyway, this movie is pretty neat, it's about a couple who move into a crazy hillbilly town and open up a video store. Seeing all those beautiful movies I used to rent (and want to rent) made me so happy. I want to be buried in that video store! Uh... okay... that's just a tad creepy there Mikey... anyway, it turns out that all the people in the town make snuff films... It's just a very silly, but entertaining little horror comedy.

Well, here we have the sequel to Video Violence.... the aptly titled Video Violence Part 2: When Renting is Not Enough... I don't know if thats supposed to be the tagline or part of the title, but I'm too lazy to change it, so thats the way it stays! Anyway, the sequel is more of a comedy than the original movie. A silly ass comedy that is still more amusing then the Big Bang Theory. OH SNAP, SON! Anyway, Howard and Eli, the guys from the first movie are back and for some reason or another own a tv station. That just shows snuff videos people make... don't really think too hard about that plot, because no one who starred in the damn movie cared either! And that's the way I like it! Plots are for girly men and wussies! Also I have no idea what else to say about this movie except that I was amused by it and felt that I didn't waste my 90 minutes, which is all I ask from a movie... so I'll just move on to the next movie.

This was the first SOV movie I ever rented! And I didn't finish watching it because I couldn't get over the fact it was so low budget... of course back then I didn't like Big Trouble in Little China or the original Sleepaway Camp, or many other movies that I think are the bomb-diggity now... so in other words, Little Mikey Lake was a dumbass and I want to punch him in his 15 year old face. That jerk. Anyway, I've recently rewatched this movie, or I should say, finally seen it all, and I don't know what my problem was, this movie won't make you into Captain I Love B-Movies or anything, but if you already like them, it is a serviceable hour and a half of entertainment. It's not great, but the acting is a bit better than you see in SOV movies, and it seems to be a bit more competent in the film making part of it all. Anyway, This movie is enjoyable, even if the plot, which is about a killer cult, has been done 1,000 times. And before I go on to the last movie I must tell you that no, this wasn't the first SOV horror movie, Boardinghouse and Sledgehammer and I'm sure 6,000 others were made before this one.. but if you enjoy your SOV shenanigans I think Blood Cult is a worthy addition to your collection.

This is one of the rarest VHS tapes out there, going for like 90 or so bucks on ebay... I'd check it out but really I don't care enough to do so... I just felt like writing shit, not checking out how much really bad movies like this one go for. I think a porno movie company made this movie, but again I don't care about this stupid movie enough to check if that information is true or not, anyway, Spine is the last movie I'm going to talk about in this stupid article, and if you couldnt tell from reading the above, I did not save the best for last, in fact so far I think this may be my least favorite SOV horror film. It's not entertaining, it's not interesting, it's not even well made in any sort. I could probably make a more entertaining, interesting, and better made movie than this, in fact, I'm sure I could. The plot is your usual slasher stuff that you've seen done better in about a 1,000 other movies. A bearded maniac hates women... blah blah... don't care... wish I had 80 mintues of my time doing something a lot better, like masturbating in my own feces or watching He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Anything except watching this unenjoyably boring heap of crap.

Yeah, I think I might talk about a few more, so this article may actually get a sequel, unless I forget about it...

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