Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Lone Ranger (1991)

In the early 1990s, Konami took a lot of chances with a bunch of licenses. I say chances because they took stuff like The Lone Ranger and ZEN Intergalactic Ninja and made them into video games. Very good video games, but video games none the less. I really don't think they made that much money on these games and that's a shame, but then again thats what you get for putting money into a license no kid gave a shit about. I'm pretty sure I've never seen anything related to Lone Ranger, hell this game came out almost 60 years after he was created! Anyone who wanted to play this game then was already too damn old to do so. Seriously. Still I'm glad it was created because we really did get a kick ass game out of it.

The plot is BUTCH CAVENDISH has killed your friends and kidnapped the preisdent! Oh shit! Yes, it's nothing spectacular but I've told you people my thoughts on plots in games. I don't give a shit about them. I didn't give a shit back when I was playing these games for the first time and I give even less of a shit now. I just want to get to the ass whoppin' and this game gives you that in spades. There are very cool modes of play in this game. Sidescrollers, top down perspective, and it even uses the zapper! The zapper! Oh how I love the P-Kang you make! You lovely gun you! You will be the only gun I will ever own because I am too much of a pussy to own a gun! But I have two of them! so you must count for something!

Anyway this game is pretty damn good honestly, it's a very well produced game from the men and women at Konami! Very good graphics for the time, nice and clean. The music is pretty good, my favorite is when your in the mazes. The music makes those goddamn mazes tolerable. That's right The Lone Ranger made a 3D Maze that didn't make me want to commit all kinds of horrible acts. Not to say the mazes were you know enjoyable, but the music that plays in them is nice and a lot better than the music that plays in Golgo 13 mazes. Plus they are easier and shorter. Still I don't like them because all 3D mazes are assholes. Another thing is that this game is fucking hard. I mean balls to the walls hard. It starts off hard and gets insanely hard near the end. Still I beat it, because I'm a goddamn man, son. A GOD DAMN MAN.

If you like the Lone Ranger, Konami, or good licensed NES games. I beleive you should give this game a shot. Also while searching google for images for this game I found someone made a rom hack called the Lone Rapist... and I don't know what to say to that... but I feel it makes for a good way to end this review.

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