Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Top Gun (1987)

Despite my love of pretty much every stupid thing to come out of the 1980s (and there were a whole hell of a lot of stupid things to come out of that decade) I've never seen Tony Scott's Top Gun. Yet I've seen about 3,000 terrible movies also from the 1980s. I don't know why, I've never been interested in seeing it. Maybe it's the fact I don't like Tom Cruise or Val Kilmer (except Real Genius, Willow, and Top Secret were awesome. And I guess Rain Man was pretty good too). It just never caught my eye is all. I never felt the need to see it, yet I felt the need to watch Mongrel what I'm getting at is that don't really get mad at me because my taste in moving pictures kinda sucks, caring about what movies I watch is, I dunno, rather goddamn pathetic.

Despite the fact I've never seen the movie, I can still review this NES game. I don't need to like or watch a piece of film to tell you if the game that was based around it was good or not. I mean I've said I didn't like the Flintstones cartoon before but I did enjoy the NES games. I keep the game separate from the license and try to play it as I would do any other stupid NES game, what I'm trying to say is the licence doesn't matter, the game itself does. And to be fair this game well it sucks. But to be completely honest, I fucking hate every stupid flight sim game out there. The only one I could stand was Mig 29 becasue it wasn't just 100% flight sim shit. Flight sims are the worst type of game out there, EXCEPT for maybe those boring ass games about China that no one ever fucking played (and if you did you can go fuck yourself)

I've honestly found each and every one of these flight sim games to be incredibly boring and lifeless. I just can't get into a single one, save for Mig 29, which isn't that spectacular either but doesn't bore me into a coma like the rest. Top Gun is a bit different because when it isn't making me go to sleepsville, it's sending my fucking blood pressure through the goddamn roof. Seriously, I know people will complain about this review if they ever see it and say LOL HE JUST SAYING IT BECAUSE OF THE AVGN, THIS SHITTY GAME RULES!!!! no no it doesn't. It's really hard to land the plane, at least I've always had trouble with it. It's also really hard to refuel, at least I've had trouble with it. I'm not trying to be Captain Poopy, hell you fuckers already know I like a bunch of games he's reviewed and trashed, for crying out loud! This game is just ugly, annoying, boring and stupid. And I don't like it.

I don't really know why I bothered to review this title when everyone else has and trashed it (although some crazies out there seem to love it, of course some crazies out there like pretending to be Pokemon anime characters on facebook. It's a strange world and we all gotta live in it. I don't know where I'm going with this shit so I'm just going to end this travesty of a review right now!

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