Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Simpsons: Bart Vs The Space Mutants (1991)
If you can actually read what I am typing there is a good fucking chance you already know about the Simpsons. Love them, hate them, used to love them but now think the show is about as funny as cancerous aids (I don't even think cancerous aids is even real but new episodes of the simpsons are less funny than cancer or aids so I had to create something new...so if you were wondering what group I'm a part of it's the last one genius!) You do know about them, there's no god damn way anyone living in a english speaking country doesn't know what the Simpsons are. Hell, most non english speaking countries know about the Simpsons. It's like fucking Superman. YOU KNOW WHO THEY ARE I DON'T NEED TO BE EXPLAINING IT. And I won't. I just wanted to make a whole spiel about the fact I'm not going to be explaining shit about the Simpsons in this review. If you are the one person who's been living under a rock for the last 22 years than you can go some place else.
The Simpsons have been in video games since pretty much the beginning of the show. When the show was in it's second season they created the greatest of them all, no, I'm not talking about this game (which came out in the same year) I'm talking about the arcade beat em up. I don't think there will ever be a Simpsons game that will ever come close to the excellence of that one but it seems like they didn't even fucking try. After that game they just gave up. I know I've said Bart's Nightmare and Virtual Bart were good, but that's mostly nostalgia talking. I don't think the new wii/ds game was as good as the first game, although it wasn't bad.. Sadly I can't be talking about any of those better games, no I get to talk about Bart Vs. the Fucking Space Mutants.
First things first, I should talk about some of the positives this game has. The music isn't too bad but will get annoying by stage 2, still not exactly awful, and I really like idea of collecting items throught the level, that's a neat idea, I mean if there's one item that's too hard to get you can just go get another one, you have a set number of items to destroy or get rid of in a level and there's always more than that set number, so you can choose what items to get or what not. Also I like the fact they actually added in the other Simpsons family members. And other characters too like Moe, even though he looks pretty much the same as the other random characters strolling the streets. Sadly the characters aren't really worth getting, like jumping on random people hoping to find an alien so they will give you a letter of the characters name isn't really worth it because the bosses are easy as hell without their help, either way it's nice to see them in the game and to a crazy old man like me who loves the original first two seasons a lot, seeing Dr. Marvin Monroe and the Babysitter Bandit brings a god damn tear to my eye.
Sadly, those are the only pros this game has, the graphics aren't really bad but kinda weird, I mean some characters look really good like Sideshow Bob, but some characters look really off like Bart. I dunno it's hard to explain but I think the graphics on this game are a pretty mixed bag and when you realize SMB3 came out a year before you'll be like WAAAAAAAAT because this is a down grade without a doubt. I mentioned up in the other paragraph that the bosses are easy. That's really true. I don't think the bosses could be any easier. No way in hell, but all of that could be forgiven easily if it wasn't for the rotten, shitty, awful, terrible controls. To do a running jump you need to press A and B and honestly I find that really hard to pull off, and it causes me to die many many times.
The Simpsons first outing for the NES isn't completely and utterly awful and is probably the second best Simpsons game for the NES (I, like everyone else, forget about Krusty's Fun House) but I could program a game that was better made than Bart vs the World or Bartman Meets Radioactive Man, so that praise is really faint. Still I'd give it a shot, who knows maybe you'll be crazy like ROBERT LEE BRYANT and enjoy this game. Or be sane like me and not like it. Either way, I don't care.