I mentioned in another review on my blog, that when I was a teenanger, I would pretty much spend my time renting horror movies from the local video stores, I must add to that point now. It wasn't just horror movies I loved, I also rented pretty much every teen related comedy made in the 80s, along with every movie starring any famous comedian from the 1980s. Everyone from Chevy Chase to John Candy, who is strangely enough a part of the movie we are going to review tonight.
I chose this movie mostly for two reasons. 1) I wanted to review a horror movie on October 31st, and 2) I wanted to celebrate what would have been John Candy's 60th birthday. Yes, John Candy was born on October 31st, 1950. I don't know about you but that was probably the best birthday ever. He would go out and trick or treating and then get cake afterwords. I'll refrain from a terrible joke about his weight right here, because god damnit I really respect that guy. The Clown Murders was John's second big role actually and one of the few roles where he wasn't doing something comedic. He was pretty much dead serious in this movie... and did actually a good job, and was probably the only thing interesting about this goddamn heap of shit.
Yes, that's right. The Clown Murders is a bad movie. But to be fair to John Candy, he was no stranger to bad movies. 1941. Volunteers. Speed Zone. Canadian Bacon and Wagon's East were all pretty bad motion pictures (but to be fair he was the only good part about Wagon's East...) To be fair, this isn't a badly produced movie or a badly acted one. The reason I don't like this movie is because it's not very interesting. For example, I'll mention the slasher film Unhinged, that movie wasn't exactly a fast paced movie. It was a slow unsettling movie. With interesting characters. The rich jackoffs in this movie aren't interesting, they are stupid rich jackoffs. Except oddly enough, John Candy. He was the only guy I actually kinda cared about.
The plot is, I guess, okay. This guy comes back to town to find out his ex-girlfriend has gotten married to some jerkoff who was in the movie Rituals (which was actually a pretty good movie, I figure you should check it out. Oddly enough the guy is a jerk in that movie too!) and wants to sell the farm she lived on before getting married, and the guy wants to build more apartments. The random guy whos name I forgotten doesn't want this to happen so he faux-kidnaps his girlfriend (with the help of John Candy and the other guys.) Also you may be wondering how the hell is this a horror movie? Where's the killer? The killer pops in near the end of the movie like he was some kind of afterthought. I guess this movie does bring me back to the good ol' days of renting every single movie I could find that was in any way horror, in fact I remember renting this movie. I didn't even finish watching it, I still do agree with my 15 year old self that this movie was boring as shit and not really worth your time. Hell, I remember liking the movie Spookies more, and that movie was a complete mess. The damn thing was two movies cut into one, but that's a movie for another time, and at least it was interesting.. Something this movie isn't.
To end on a more positive note, I hope everyone has a nice, safe and enjoyable Halloween, and that if John Candy is somehow reading this from some other plane of existence (and I hope he isn't wasting his time reading this. I mean he could probably do a lot better) I want to wish him a happy 60th birthday and thank him for all the laughs he gave me over the years. Thanks you lovable scamp you!
P.S. The voice actor for Cyril Sneer in the Raccoons has a small part in this movie... so there's another reason to watch this movie I suppose... I mean I'm sure there is at least one person out there who liked The Raccoons..
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