8 Eyes (1988 / 1990)

Now this is more my speed. A game most people haven't heard of, and the ones that have heard of it do not really like it that much. Although there are some lunatics out there who somehow like 8 Eyes for the NES (I think you can already tell how I feel about this game) This is a doozy of a game though, so at least I'll have something to talk about instead of dedicating it to some random dead actor and blasting people who use IE. They were probably old people who didn't know any better! at least I hope they were. I don't want anyone under the age of 30 using that shit

                                                                           

This game was made by Thinking Rabbit who I have never heard of until now, and its not a good indication. Seta had something to do with this game but I'm not quite sure what, but that's not a good thing either, seeing as Seta created the Adventures of Tom Sawyer which is a goddamn stupid game. Along with other goddamn stupid games like Castle of Dragon. I mean that not even proper grammar (which is very rich coming from me I know but still) and published in North America by Taxan, a very uneven company with some damn good games and some fucking hideous ones. And yes that is a fucking apostrophe in Eyes. And yes it does appear in the NES version. I don't even know.

                                                                               

Most people hate this game because it's a ripoff of Castlevania. Really I don't care about that and it does have some similiarities to Castlevania. There were a bunch of Mega Man-esque games like Totally Rad but that was a good game because it was fun. This isn't a bad game because its similar to another its a bad game because its fucking broken. The controls are very very bad. The guy jumps very weirdly and its very goddamn annoying. Another fucking problem is the very short sword you have meaning you have to get right in and attack the guys who will rip your shit apart very quickly. (you get other weapons like in Castlevania but I've never been able to use them correctly because the controls are shitty) I think the reason the controls are not very good is because they tried to make it so you could control two characters at once, which is a neat idea but doesn't work (and yes this game has a two player mode)

The thing is, this game has a neat atmosphere, a decent enough plot (which I had to read on the internet because it doesnt show in game, maybe it was in the manual or something) I mean it takes place in a post apocalyptic waste land and I love that kinda setting. It has some pretty nice graphics for the time, and the music isn't bad either, but the thing is all those things don't mean shit because I CAN'T CONTROL THIS PILE OF SHIT AT ALL.

I should also mention that the two player mode is supposedly very fun, but the thing is, my best goddamn friend is a fucking dog and most of the people I kinda sorta almost know would probably never talk to me again if I made them play this. Also I don't know what Craig Lionel Nowicki thinks but this really does work for a Halloween based game. It's got skeletons and shit in it and really that's good enough for me. This review may be pretty bad but Nowicki gets underlined by the spell checker which is really funny to me, they don't like your last name Craig, HAHAHAHA.