The Final Episode #2: Inspector Gadget (Gadget and the Red Rose - February 1st, 1986)

 The Final Episode #2: Inspector Gadget (Gadget and the Red Rose - February 1st, 1986)

Inspector Gadget was one of my favorite cartoons as a kid. I watched the absolute hell out of it. Like I don't want to even know how many times I watched every episode. It had to be at LEAST 50 times each. It was mostly because for the first season Nelvana, a Canadian corporation helped with the animation. So season 1 would be shown in Canada about 5820 times a day on several different channels. I still find the show to be very amusing. At least the first season. The stories of a dumbass cyborg (would you consider Gadget a cyborg?) with all kinds of well gadgets installed in his body and his niece and dog (who actually solve all the crimes) IS great fun to me!

As a kid I never knew there was a second season with 21 extra episodes... and I'm glad I never did because it would have been an incredible disappointment to me to have to watch these episodes. They aren't objectively the worst I've ever seen they just aren't as well animated, well voiced (several voice changes), have pointless new characters (we will get to him in a second) and are just not as enjoyable. Like everything was done worse for the second season which ran from 1985 to 1986.

I do remember the first time I ever saw a second season episode, it was years after I did find out there even was one... and I was excited to find said episode... I had heard from a now defunct website known as Jump the Shark (where people discuss when any random TV show Jumped the Shark) and several people within that site said the introduction of Corporal Capeman (pictured above) was when the show jumped the shark... and yeah I can't disagree with them on that. This fucker is completely useless and not funny in the slightest, just like everyone on that site said... thankfully Townsend Coleman who voiced him went on to do much better work in a lot of much better cartoons.

Anyway, this episode is really nothing to write home about. It involves Inspector Gadget actually creating a seemingly worthwhile invention (which is weird in itself because the guy is a moron, like it's the whole show!) and Dr. Claw finds out about it so he gets this old gangster out of retirement to stop Gadget's new invention with his old invention a Tommy Gun that shoots out rotten potatoes and yes the gangster has a potato pun name (it's Spuds Malone... they should have just went and called him O'Riely and had him be an Irish gangster or something), anyway this episode has Gadget chase after Brain who leads him to the real Spuds Malone and it's done in a pretty uninteresting manner. No real jokes or crazy hijinx really.

FINAL THOUGHTS: It's not going to be the worst thing I'll watch for this blog but honestly, I can't really write much more about this episode cuz it's boring, so I'll just reiterate they should have gotten more money for better animation, made some actual jokes (the gun Gadget makes runs on acidic Sour Cream and when it hits Chief Quimby he goes "Needs chives, Gadget" which WAS pretty funny I thought.. but the rest of the episode wasn't) and not had made that stupid fucking Corporal Capeman at all.

The Final Episode #1: Captain Planet and the Planeteers (101 Mutations - May 11, 1996)

 The Final Episode #1: Captain Planet, 101 Mutations (May 11, 1996)

Captain Planet was created by Ted Turner in 1990... an environmentalist superhero! I must say that as a kid I quite liked this show. I thought the heroes were a bunch of likable scallywags and that the villains were incredibly entertaining! and I'm glad to say that I still do! Being positive rules!

Anyway, Captain Planet ran from September 15, 1990 to May 11, 1996 for a 6 season run... I don't think I was watching during the last season because well, I found out that Captain Planet has TWO theme songs. For the final season they came out with a new theme song and it is incredibly bad. like painfully bad. I don't even know where to begin to describe it so I will link to a youtube video of it here. It will change your life, for the worse.

CAPTAIN PLANET SEASON 6 THEME CLICK AT YOUR OWN PERIL

Hopefully you haven't gouged out your eyes and can read the rest of my writing (you will probably wish you had gouged your eyes out after reading this!) We can finally get into dicussing the Final Episode of Captain Planet intitled 101 Mutations.

If you couldn't tell by that title, 101 Mutations is about Dogs! Puppy mills in fact! That's right the eco-villains (which is what they were called in the show) finally stop trying to destroy the entire planet and just try to make some money via some cruel means. Dr. Blight is the eco villain of today.

Who in the first three seasons was voiced by Meg Ryan! Yep! Ted Turner threw his weight around at the beginning of the show... then he said okay to that terrible theme song (no I will never get over it. Stop asking)

The episode starts up with Dr. Blight talking to MAL about her evil Puppy Mill scheme! MAL in the later seasons was voiced by Tim Curry! always a pleasure to hear that angelic voice of his! I like exclamation points! It then turns over to Wheeler's 10 year old couisin Joey mourning his dog Skippy at a funeral (yes a very jolly point of the episode) and Wheeler decides to bring him to get a new dog. I know that 1.) he means well and 2.) they have to get the episode on the way but who the hell decides yeah I'll go get them a NEW dog RIGHT after the old one dies. Dick move, Wheeler.

Joey then finds out where the Pet Store is getting their dogs from... DR. BLIGHTS EVIL FARM OF DEATH. No it's called Puppy by the MILLions... that's a pretty good name for something as awful as a puppy mill. Anyway he goes there, gets captured, meets a new dog friend (and befriends Dr. Blights evil dogs!) He gives them chocolate. I guess these are dogs that can have chocolate, because he gives them a lot. 

The Planeteers then find a Humane Society guy working under cover in another puppy mill (Jesus a lot of them in this one area) AND they come across Dr. Blights puppy mill and of course stop her plot. (I don't really want to end up discussing EVERY second of these episodes. I do want you all to go and check them out.) 

FINAL THOUGHTS: This was actually a pretty fun episode. Lots of nice back and foths between the charters. The bad guys are incredibly deliciously, I don't give a shit, EVIL, and it was a lot of fun to watch. It didn't end with a big epic 3 parter where all the villains come together and bring back Captain Pollution or anything but I dunno if every show needs that. This was just a regular old run of the mill adventure for the Planeteers. I kinda like how that happens sometimes (mostly because they didn't know this was the final season, probably.) Anyway, I'd check this one out!

Freaky (2020

 

Woah! Two actual updates in one day (let's be real the Disney post thing isn't an update) I don't think I ever did that but I figure from now on whenever I watch a movie I'll blab my thoughts about it here so this blog will be a directionless mess where I just talk about whatever the hell I want too. Anyway, I had heard about this movie in September I believe from some upcoming horror movies site and I thought it was a grand old idea.

You know Freaky Friday (and Vice Versa, and Like Father Like Son, and 18 Again and Clearly Attempting to Make the Word Count On this Review Higher) is a movie about a body swap but it's a WILD COMEDY OF ERRORS AND ANTICS, well this movie is a body swap movie that's a horror film! Well, with lots of comedy in it (one thing I like about horror is how well it can mesh with other genres) and I have a feeling if the guy who didn't do the Happy Death Day movies this movie probably wouldn't work as well but I probably wouldnt have watched it if he didnt because those Happy Death Day movies were great.

The plot is the Blissville Butcher (played by Vince Vaughn) is out hunting and killing people and steals a dagger from some his victims. This is the powerful macguffin these movies usually have, and he uses it on poor ol' Millie, a nerdy weirdo in High School who's Mother doesn't want her to leave home because her Dad died a year ago. The Blissville Butcher stabs her and BLAMMO we get them both changing bodies, and the race is on to stab The Butcher as Millie before 24 hours are up! 

You get what you want from a horror comedy which is some neat scares and some wild ass murder scenes! and also laughs! Millies gay friend is literally from 1987 but I don't care because he was the greatest character in this film. Everyone in the film does a really terrific job at the acting thing and the pace moves at a good speed which is what you want from a popcorn horror/comedy like this.

I don't think its worth rushing out to see because uh of the whole pandemic thing but dang when it comes to video you should give this a watch. Recommended!

Talkin' About The Disney Afternoon

 

So I'm crazy and I feel like doing this among many other things because I waste my entire day on the internet and instead I should waste it watching stuff......It's still a waste but at least something maybe sortof was accomplished... more so than just yelling at twits on the internet. I will never stop being angry at how the internet went from a fun thing to a thing thats terrible, but I will at least try to make fun content instead of being angry at everything. like Twitter users.

This is going to be a multi part thing where I talk about every show on the Disney Afternoon. Including the Wuzzles because I want to cut off the one weirdo who might find this and go "AHEM THE WUZZLES WAS NOT ON THE DISNEY AFTERNOON YOU JUST MADE ME SO ANGRY I SHIT MY PANTS" If I actually finish this we might talk about One Saturday Morning and some newer stuff!!

Here's a list of cartoons I will end up discussing like the cool guy I am:

The Wuzzles

Disney's Adventures of the Gummi Bears

DuckTales

The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers

TaleSpin

Darkwing Duck

Goof Troop

The Little Mermaid

Raw Toonage

Bonkers

Marsupoilami

Aladdin

Gargoyles

The Shnookums and Meat Funny Cartoon Show

Timon and Pumbaa

Quack Pack

Mighty Ducks The Animated Series

So expect the first part of Reviewing Every Disney TV Cartoon Sorta Kinda Maybe to emerge from my head sometime in the next few days.

Some Thoughts on The First Two Dead Rising Games...

 Well, I actually am doing it! HOLY MOLY! That's right after 5 years I've finally felt like I want to talk about stupid pointless horse shit again. It sure beats using Twitter that's for sure. Anyway expect discussions on just about every thing I enjoy coming right at your face! And hopefully this time I'll keep at it because even if no one ever comments it's still fun and thats something I haven't had on the internet in quite some time, yet I use the internet too much. Weird how that works huh?

Anyway enough pointless horse shit about my feelings on the internet, maybe I'll do a whole article on that later on but I felt that since this mostly started as a video game blog (mostly for old NES games I was playing) I felt I should talk about the games I've been playing... which are the first two  Dead Rising games. I had heard of these over the past 14 years but back then I was only playing NES games and nothing else really because only I would want to beat shitty games like Predator or whatever instead of playing good games.

Dead Rising is a zombie action game which is vastly different than the Resident Evil games (I also finally played parts 2 and 3 thanks to the remakes that came out recently) These games are more about action and comedy then really trying to use zombies to scare the pants off you. Anyway in the first game you play as Frank West trying to figure out what started the whole zombie thing. 

I like a lot of stuff about this game, smashing zombies is satisfying as hell, the game has a weird uniqueness comedy vibe to it, all kinds of weird shit in it. Weird bosses, weird people to save, hell you can even crossdress, and the plot is interesting enough for me to go through it several times trying to get to level 50 and get as many achievements as I can (I don't do achievements very well because I get lazy after beating a game) The only thing I really don't like is that the overtime mode ramps up the difficulty and I think that takes a lot away from the charm of the game. I dunno.

Anyway I have beaten Dead Rising but I'm still working on Dead Rising 2 but I can already say that in my mind it's the better game by far, even if some things I don't like. A lot of Dead Rising is saving people and the survivor A.I. is way better in this game than it was in the first game but that's just my feelings on the matter. Smashing Zombies faces in still feels as good and the bosses are just as silly as before. The only thing I really don't like is that the Zombrex thing just feels tacked on, like you gotta stop whatever your doing to run back to give the little girl her Zombrex. I dunno, I'm just not a fan of it. The game also feels like you get extra time to save people and fight bosses without losing out on the case file stuff.

Anyway I don't know If I'll ever play part 3 because I'm very lazy and I don't want to try to go looking for an X-Box 360 that works so I can play it. I might play part 4 because I do enjoy that rascal Frank West, but it feels both of those games dropped a lot of the comedy parts of the first two which is what brought a lot of fun to them, but I don't know if they end up being bad games just because of that. Uh.. yeah thanks for reading this boring horse shit about some old games and maybe if your good I'll write something interesting or funny.

 I'M BACK!

I'll start reviewing stuff again soon.

P.S. eat my dick, Portnoyd.

selling out!

http://www.mycomicshop.com/?AffID=610112P01 go to this site and buy crap ya bums.

IS THIS A RETURN??????








.......Maybe!

Predator (1987)

MANLY AS FUCK.

I should probably preface this review by saying I am a big fan of the Predator movies. All of them. The one with Arnie. the one with Danny "I'm too old for this shit" Glover. The newest one. Even those movies no one likes where they fight the Aliens. I even like them. That's how much I like this franchise. I should also mention that I like other games by the company that programmed this game (Pack-In Video) I like the Friday the 13th game for the NES, despite all the bashing it gets. I think despite its flaws, it was a neat title. I also enjoyed the Die Hard game, but I'll leave the pros and cons of that experience for another review.

I don't remember a blueberry Predator from the movies.

I'll get into Rambo (which while not a  good game, is hilarious to me for so many reasons) in another review when I actually sit down and beat that game. Anyway, if you haven't caught on yet, today's final review will be Predator for the NES... and boy oh boy am I going to give this game a lashing. A very good hard lashing. Because it seriously god damn deserves it. First off. the graphics look like puke (also why the fuck is Arnie pink. Yeah, I know everyone and their mother has commented on that fact, but the thing is... IT'S STILL FUCKING STUPID TO BE WEARING PINK IN THE GOD DAMN JUNGLE.) Everything else looks drab and boring... hell some of the things I can't even tell what they are.

Seriously. PINK!

Also the games controls suck shit. Arnie likes to slip and slide all over the place making it HARD AS BALLS to do those jumps (also did I mention I beat this turd of a game... I seriously need to get a life don't I ?) The level design is just balls. Seriously. So many parts you WILL get stuck because of a shitty placement of rocks which you will need the grenade to get out of (and trust me... that thing fucking sucks shit out of my dogs ass) The music... is honestly not completely terrible. It's not good, but it's the best part of the game for sure. It's mundane and forgettable but it won't drive you to kill anyone. It's just there.

WOO BIG MODE!!

Also before I go I must mention the other part of this game. Every four levels you get into a Big Mode, it's a weird shooter segment... It really is not that good either, but it's more fun than playing those impossible and stupid levels. I'm pretty sure they knew that no human being could ever play through every level of this game and thats why they add in level warps. And believe me, YOU WILL need them. Every single god damn one of them. To clue up this review of this terrible atrocious game, I must say that I do not like this game. Most people who play it don't like it. I can only find one other person who likes it (Hi Rob!). Anyway, I'd leave this game be. I know I say to try out games even if I say they are no good, but really I consider this to be one of the worst and least fun NES games out there. And I like Dick Tracy and Total Recall. So that's saying a goddamn lot.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Tournament Fighters (1993)

First off, I must confess a dirty secret I've been hiding for years, I don't like Street Fighter. or Mortal Kombat. or any of those fighting games. I don't really think I've enjoyed a single fighting game. You know why? I'm fucking terrible at every single one of them. I don't profess to be the greatest at video games, but I have beaten my fair share of hard platformers, puzzle games, and RPGs. I've beaten stuff that most people gave up on. And I'm sorry to say this to Konami, but I don't really like this game either. The last game they ever published for the NES. And you know me, I'm a big goddamn fan of the Konami games on the NES. I like The Adventures of FUCKING Bayou Billy for christ sake. That should tell you a LOT.

But you know what, the thing is, this is the only fighter I ever really beat. Yes, it's so easy that a man who can't get past one fight in any other fighter, can beat this, without dying. That's pretty god damn easy, but that's not a problem for me. I love many easy games. I've talked about a bunch of them before on this blog of mine. The main problem with this game is that, honestly, it's kinda boring. I know it's not great to use the term boring to describe something, but it fits this game to a tee. This game is just uninteresting. The fighters really don't do much for me, as I don't think I was watching the TMNT cartoon in 1993, and have no idea who any of these characters are. Except the turtles of course. Anyway. I guess I'll talk about some of the positives.

The graphics, while not spectacular, are still a good jump ahead of the last TMNT game, BUT around this time companies were making the most out of the NES graphics chip, and even other later post 1991 Konami games looked better. They are still pretty decent, it's just I do think that Konami could have done way better. That's all. One thing I will say in this games favor is that I really do like the music and think they did a pretty good job with it. All the tunes were really good and memorable, of course that's Konami for you. I don't think I've ever seen a Konami game with bad music in it. I think the music is the only really good part of this game. And that's a shame.

It's a really big disappointment that not only was the last TMNT game on the NES, not a very good game. It was also the last Konami game. That's incredibly sad to me. Anyway, I don't think my not enjoying this game has anything to do with my bias of not enjoying fighters that much. Finding them annoying and kinda boring. Or maybe it is. Anyway, I'd say give the game a shot anyway, like I usually do as people have different tastes in all kinds of shit, but Nintendo Age and Ebay made this game worth like 564306350342 dollars, so I'm just gonna go tell you to emulate it and if you think it's worth that much money, then spend it..

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: The Manhattan Project

That's correct. You're eyes are not deceiving you! You have not lost your mind (although wanting to read my stuff makes me wonder if your completely sane) That's right, I'm actually back! I'm actually writing this review! Yes sir! Yep. I have no excuses other than laziness. Complete and utter laziness. I just was too lazy to even bother to update the blog, yet again, but I figure I'm gonna come back and do it again, because I really don't want to be a lazy fucker anymore and I want to do things and finish shit I said I was going to do. Anyway, enough with that mini-rant. It's time to review another TMNT game.

I'm sure you know about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I'm sure I've said what they were in the other two reviews for the previous games that I did, but you know what, I'm going to tell you again, just to make it look like this review was actually thought out (which is probably the funniest thing I've ever said), the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was a comic book created to parody the comics of the day. It ended up being a huge hit and ended up becoming a cartoon show I watched the absolute hell out of as a youngster. I'm sure the cartoon is probably really stupid and terrible but I still love it. Anyway four games for the NES were made based around the TV series. And today's entry into this shithole is known as TMNT 3: The Manhattan Project.  And if you're sick of reading this review, I'll give you the low down right here. It's a game worth owning.

Yeah, It'll all probably depend on how much you liked the TMNT2: The Arcade Game, because really it's pretty much the same as this, just this one has better graphics and I like the music better.. If you are like some people (well I've only heard one person ever say this) you'll probably decry it as boring because the levels are the same and you're just beating up foot soldiers. I can't really agree with that, because the levels are different, they are never totally overlong. They do add in new baddies to fight. Different foot soldiers who do different Attacks. The rock solider guys. And others. Also this beat em up has some of the most enjoyable bosses to fight. They will probably kick you in the dick many times before you beat it, BUT after you get their pattern down the game becomes a piece of cake. Also the game is a lot of fun with another player and that adds in alot of replay value. Anyway, I'd say If you liked Part 2, give this one a whirl, if you didn't, pass on it. Anyway, I'm back and I hope this time it's for real.

WOOILO

Uh.. yeah. I said I'd bring this blog back and I will.

Some new reviews coming soon.

Duck Tales, Predator, Adventures of Dino Riki, and MAYBE A SNES GAME REVIEW COMING SOON.

Metal Gear (1988)

Metal Gear for the NES is a tricky, tricky beast... I can remember this game way back in the GLORY DAYS OF THE NES SCENE (god I'm so fucking absolutely lame it hurts doesn't it?) and it was seen as a classic... years passed and people starting dissing and hating on the game... Weird.. personally, I can see where they are coming from but I still think the NES port of Metal Gear is a mighty fine game and is pretty fun to boot. Also I should point out that I have not played Metal Gear Solid and I don't really care too. At all. Ever. I'm a very weird person as the fact that pretty much 98% of games made after the DAYS OF THE SEGA GENESIS/SUPER NINTENDO... make me go to sleep... even classic games like Zelda OoT... I'm sure that SUPER CONTROVERSIAL OPINION would bother someone....if anyone actually read this shit.

Well, Uh.. I guess I should get back on track and realize we aren't talking about Zelda:OoT (which is a boring game, admit it. Zelda 2 is better. ADMIT THAT TOO!) I'll start off with the positives... the biggest draw of this game is being a spy is a really fucking cool idea, and I think they pulled it off pretty well here. You pretty much have to move around all stealth like and pick up items that will help you out in the later parts of the game. I also must admit that I think the plot to the NES version of this game is absouletely fucking hilarious. It's about a guy named Vermin Kataffy (GUESS WHO THEY ARE MAKING FUN OF HERE... IT'S VERY HARD TO FIGURE OUT... I SHOULD ALSO STOP USING THE CAPS LOCK KEY) The music is great, I think it fits the mood pretty easily... and the graphics are top notch for the time the game was made. Pretty much everything that should be right with a NES game is right with this one. It's only one big flaw that kinda keeps this game from reaching all time classic status...

And that flaw is the fact the in text game is so insanely poorly written that well, sometimes you have no god damn clue what to do next. It's like Castlevania 2 (another pretty good game admittedly) in that the text that is supposed to help you find your way around.....uh... DOESN'T... And the games world is pretty large so you can get lost pretty easily. Of course, I don't mind bothering the hell out of the many people I know on facebook with constant comments of WHERE THE HELL DO I GO NEXT IN METAL GEAR? Yeah yeah, I know A REAL MAN would have brute forced his way through the game but I'm a pussy. I ADMIT IT. Hell I DOWNLOADED THE DAMN RAINBOW BRITE MOVIE. That's how lame I am. Anyway, the fact you can get lost easily, really doesn't break this game. I don't know how much better the MSX2 versions in text game is either. Because I can't get an emulator of that working. At all. Of course I'm a complete chump who couldn't get anything working. God, why am I so mean to myself? Oh that's right, years of constant negativity towards me has made me think I really do suck... uh.. where was I again? This isn't therapy... It's supposed to be a damn game review.

Uh... anyway... what are my final thoughts on Metal Gear, in case you really don't want to read that large rambling wall of text I wrote (in which I wouldn't really blame you) I think Metal Gear is a worthy title to add to your NES collection, and despite the fact everyone working for Vermin Kataffy is a lunatic who tells you thinks like "I FELL ASLEEP" and sometimes you can easily get lost. It's still a kick ass game where you get to be a spy... I mean how many games do you get to be a spy in??? Okay fine... a lot... like the sequels to this game and Spy Vs. Spy.... so I'll rephrase that question... HOW MANY GAMES TO YOU GET TO BEAT Muammar Gaddafi IN... ??? that's right... NONE, except this one. So get this goddamn game. Or I will probably be sad. REAL DAMN SAD. and no one wants a weepy fat man around them...

RoboCop 3 (1993)

I'm pretty suer I've seen RoboCop 3... back when it came out on video (remember that?!? god I feel old) in 1993 (god that was almost 20 years ago. Damn) but my memory of such events is no longer with me... so who knows If I ever saw it or not. Anyway, public opinion of RoboCop 3 is not positive in the slightest... pretty much everyone who likes RoboCop thinks its the worst of the three... Maybe I should watch it and probably enjoy it to show the world that I truly do have the worst taste in motion pictures ever. I mean if I can enjoy Asylum of Terror than I can enjoy ANYTHING.

However we are not here to talk about movies today! We are here to discuss the NES game! Yes! RoboCop 3, like the previous two entries did infact get A NES game in the second last year of the NES's life. I do believe some of the BEST NES games were created in the last 4 years of the systems life, but RoboCop 3 is sure as hell not one of them. Now I'll start with the positives. The graphics are fine... although a bit drab, however I am glad they changed the sprite to make it look different than the previous game. RoboCop's sprite in the second game looked so incredibly derpy that it was funny. The music isn't really great but not terrible. It's pretty much the definition of passable. It won't make you go running out of your house screaming in abstract terror at how bad it is, but you won't be listening to it when you aren't playing the game.

To be fair, if it wasn't for this one problem, this game could be a tolerable, hell even fun little title. The problem I have with it is that the god damn jumping mechanics in this game are fucking horrendous. You seriously have to get to the edge of any platform to jump or you will fall and get the shit fucked right out of you. It's pretty god damn annoying which causes me to not want to play this game. Still I somehow beat this game because I have serious mental issues. That and I have nothing else better to do. Before I end out this review, I must say that this is a more enjoyable game than RoboCop 2... but if you honestly want a good RoboCop game, well I'd recommend the original game... which I did review a few months ago. Anyway, it feels good to be back talking about these games no one cares about... So expect to see more reviews in the upcoming days...

THE BITCH IS BACK WOOOOOO

This is a PM I got from a guy I hate on a forum that's going away... and thanks to him I'm bringing back this blog out of spite. So I'll post some new review tomorrow. Probably of the NES game RoboCop 3 because I did cover the other ones (unless I did talk about that one too and I forgot, could easily have happened...) anyway, look forward to some SNAZZY NEW SHIT.

SOMETHING BIG WOAHHHH

That's right.

After almost three fucking months I've decided to come back to you!

I finally have an idea I think will be interesting. I shall finally review every Youtube reviewer. and those fellas at That Guy With The Glasses. So check back uh... soon to see what I think of these fools.

Monstrosity (1987)

Andy Milligan was a very interesting man. I seriously mean that. The dude had got to be a little out of his mind. I mean no one who was completely sane could create a movie like this. Monstrosity was created by a very weird individual... and I think that's why I liked it. I'm a very weird individual... and I would probably make a movie as batshit crazy as this one. Seriously, I gotta hand it to Mr. Milligan, he wrote, directed AND created the sets and costumes for all of his movies... too bad all of his movies are just too goddamn weird for most people. Thankfully, I'm not most people.

The movie starts off rather serious and sane... it's about a bunch of punks that go around doing punk things, like murder and rape. Anyway, they end up raping Mark's girlfriend, and later on kill her.. Which you know pisses Mark off (you know rightfully so) and well he and his friends create a Frankenstein like Monster named Frankie that they use to kill the punks. That doesn't sound too weird, in fact it sounds rather mundane, and it is (although still entertaining) the movie doesn't get balls to the walls weird until the last 30 minutes... and as much as I would like to tell you what happens. I just can't. It simply must be seen to be believed.

The movie isn't acted very well, or directed very well, but I didn't really expect it to be, however, the movie is very entertaining, mostly because of how weird it is. Anyway, I'd say give Monstrosity a shot, it's a pretty enjoyable piece of trashy fun. I give it two thumbs up, yeah, how do you like that ROGER EBERT, YOU JAWLESS FUCK.

RoboCop (1988 / 1989)

Well, I did something earlier this week, something that no human being should do... I watched an Irate Gamer episode... yes, I watched a unfunny man flail his arms around and yell at old video games. Old video games that weren't even that bad, but I don't really care what games they trash as long as they are goddamn funny, and the Irate Gamer isn't goddamn funny (although I don't see how half of them were ever funny, Armake21 is about as funny as the Irate Gamer... but people loved Armake... Oh well, who really cares)

Anyway, it all ties into this review, The Irate Gamer's latest episode is about the 1989 (I think, I'm too lazy to boot up the game to find out) NES game RoboCop. RoboCop, for you that do not know is not only one of the coolest action films ever, it's also one of the smartest, AND IT'S GOT THE DAD FROM THAT 70S SHOW (which the Irate Gamer mentions and then makes stupid jokes about the rest of the cast... and they had nothing to do with the movie... or the game) Anyway, I don't fucking need to tell you about RoboCop. You already know about it, if you havent seen it. Stop reading this shit and go see it! Now!

RoboCop for the NES is actually a pretty decent game, made by Ocean... a company I think is actually worse than LJN and published by Data East, a very mediocre company who made games I truly hate like Karnov. I think I may hate Karnov more than Hitler hated jews. or more than the Tea Party hates Obama. And that's a goddamn lot. Anyway, let's get to the game. RoboCop does a lot of things right. It's got nice graphics, good music and sounds and controls well. Most people will harp on the fact you can't jump, but the game is made so you dont fucking need to Jump you dumb sons of bitches.

Anyway, this wasn't much of a review, was it? Anyway, I got some stuff ready to be posted in the upcoming days.. and I mean it too! Tomorrow will have an update! Not a good one though, but if you expected good things from this blog by now than you are truly truly stupid.

The Galaxy Invader (1985)

I must say that I love the movies of Baltimore's Don Dohler. They were all ridiculously cheesy films, but for the most part you could tell everyone was having a lot of fun making these movies. Fiend, Nightbeast and The Alien Factor are three really enjoyable B-movies that you should check out if you like that kinda shit. I'm still glad I have a bunch of movies he's made to still check out but it's a shame he won't be making any more because of his death in 2006.

Today I will be looking at his fourth motion picture, the 1985 oscar winning classic The Galaxy Invader... and by oscar winning I mean shot on video movie nobody has given a shit about ever. Except weirdos like myself. Anyway this is to be fair, of the four movies I've seen by Donny, the weakest... which isn't too fair because the others are all a whole lot more entertaining. First, I'll start with the positives. I fucking love the character of Joe Montague, a redneck that sounds like Jimmy Stewart (well sometimes he does and sometimes he doesnt..) I doubt they were trying to make this character funny, but he ends up being a hoot. Everyone else in this movie except him and his pal Frank Custard, well, they kinda suck and aren't entertaining in the least. I also think the Monster is pretty cool, but Dohler always made cool monsters... and I wish it had a little more to do in the movie but it's still okay. I probably like him because for some reason he reminds me of Moss Man from He-Man.

There seems to be a lot of scenes that are totally useless and not very interesting. I'm going to be honest, while I kinda did like this movie, I have to say that it does drag in parts. A lot of parts, but the more amusing moments do make up for the slow lulls. At least that's what I believe. Anyway, in the end, The Galaxy Invader shouldn't be the first movie you see by Don Dohler, check out the other three I mentioned beforehand, if you liked them, than you should give this one a shot. It's not great, but I was still amused enough to write a semi-positive review of it.

Fuck You, Colonel Computron...

I really think people of the early 1980s thought that computers were a god damn gift from heaven that with them you could do fucking anything... and that's talking about computers from the early 1980s.. The ones that are so hilariously outdated 30 years later. Anyway, I'm discussing peoples weird thoughts about computers because I'm going to talk about Colonel Computron... the worst villain of the Flash. Ever.

The Flash has the greatest set of bad guys ever. Seriously, I love every single one of them. Except this loser. This weirdly drawn, uninteresting, ugly looking loser. I can't even blame the creator of this guy because he wrote some damn fine Flash stories... and created Rainbow Raider and the Eliminator... two rather enjoyable Flash villians... and those guys had personality... which is something this asshole lacks.

That's pretty much the only reason I can't stand this guy, he's fucking boring. That's it, give him some more personality and he could be an interesting character, but that's not going to happen now because they killed him off and I doubt any human being is clamoring for the return of Colonel Computron... and if you are, fuck you. Also it took about 6 or 7 years for them to reveal the identity of this guy... 7 years and only because they pretty much forgot about him. That's right. This guy was forgotten, which just goes to show how damn boring he really was. I can't stress how boring this guy was, so I will just mention it again. Colonel Computron was so boring that I forget what his actual powers are, all I know is that he was one of the three suspects a fat man, a fat woman, or a teen aged girl... and I don't care enough to look up to see who his real identity was, I'd rather save those 5 seconds searching wikipedia. and do something better with them. Like well, anything!

In short, fuck Colonel Computron... and I'm sorry you had to read this horrible thing.. I'll try to write something better next time.