Caltron 6 in 1

                                                                                    

Caltron 6 in 1, made in Taiwan, in 1992 is one of the rarest NES games ever made. It will cost you $250 to own a copy of this game, and well the money could be spent on a whole lot of other, better games. Not to say Caltron 6 in 1 is a bad game, of the top 6 RAREST NES games (the panesians, stadium events, cheetahmen 2, This) it's probably the best of the lot, but to be fair thats not really saying much. Caltron is a multi cart (if your retarded ass couldn't tell from the 6 in 1 part.) with SIX  games, and well 5 of the six games are ripoffs, and because I hate myself I will talk about all 6 of them. Exciting!

                                                                            

Cosmos Cop is the first of the six games and to be honest it's a very boring game. It's a ripoff of Space Harrier (which to be honest I don't like too much to begin with!). It's a very boring game where you just shoot at enemies. It's also rather hard, but to be fair it's probably one of the better games on the cart, with some pretty decent graphics but those graphics don't really make the game, you know, fun or interesting.

                                                                               

Magic Carpet 1001 is the only original game on the list, it's a very tedious and hard shooter, just like Cosmos Cop, and just like Cosmos Cop it has some pretty decent graphics, not great or anything but decent, still like Cosmos Cop, the graphics don't make the game any more fun. 

                                                                                  

Adam & Eve (which has no relation to the Bible story at least I'm sure it doesn't. I don't think Adam or Eve flew around on balloons killing worms, but It's been at least 12 years since I've been to church so maybe I'm wrong, but I doubt it) is a ripoff of Balloon Fight, and to be honest a very unfun one, for two big reasons. Terrible control. Balloon Fight was an easy game to control, however the Taiwan fuckheads who made Adam & Eve made it very hard to make your character move upwards. Also the worms will stick to the top of the screen making it impossible to fucking kill them.

                                                                                  

Balloon Monster (which is probably a better title for the above game I suppose) is probably the worst game of the bunch. It's a ripoff of the game Pang / Buster Bros. I'm not exactly a fan of that game either but at least it gave you a fucking chance to beat a level. The gravity in the room causes the balloon to come very close to the bottom of the screen, and when you pop it smaller balloons come down. There's so many balloons, so close to the bottom in about 5 seconds that its impossible to beat. seriously you'd have to be Jesus to beat this damn game, and I'm sure he has better fucking things to do then beat shitty Taiwanese games.

                                                                                   

Porter is a ripoff of some gameboy game called Boxxle. I've never played it, but I might seeing as Porter is kinda fun. That's right. I said kinda fun. These Taiwanese fuckheads finally got one of these games right, still the first two levels of this puzzle game are incredibly easy, where as the third level is kinda hard. at least I've never beaten it. Of course I've only played it for 10 minutes.

                                                                                

Our final game is Bookyman which is probably the best of the lot. It's a ripoff of Make Trax (yeah, i've never heard of it either) and is actually a pretty fun game. You play as a some kind of painting bug (don't ask me, ask Taiwan...) who has to paint the ground and escape from some frog lizard things. (again, ask Taiwan...). What makes this game fun is that its just a simple arcade-esque game. Avoid the enemies, beat the level, get points, it's just simple fun.

So yeah, there you have it. Not a great game, hell not even a good game four of the six games are incredibly bad, where as the other two are only okay. Also because I'm sure someone will go on about it, all of the unsold Caltron games were bought by a company called Myraid and they did nothing to fix the games or anything just plastered a fucking label on it and tried to sell it. It sold poorly and the Myraid version of the game goes for over a thousand dollars, and I'm going to be honest here anyone who spends over a thousand dollars for a goddamn label is one god damn dumb motherfucker.

Buy it or Skip It: If you come across this game cheaply, buy it. Even if you don't like either of the two passable games you can easily sell the fucking thing for $250, so you'd have to be a complete moron not to pick it up...

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

                                                                               

If I could go back in time. I would probably beat Robert Louis Stevenson to death, before 1886, so that he does not write the novel Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Sure, we would lose that book which inspired a lot of people, a few awesome movies based off it. Those cool as hell Looney Toons shorts (the one where Bugs gets adopted by Dr. Jekyll, and the one where Tweety drinks Dr. Jekyll's potion and fucks up Sylvester's shit were awesome.) and the Marvel Comics character Mr. Hyde. I'd be willing to give up all that stuff so that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for the NES did not exist, and I'm sure Robert Louis Stevenson would agree with me.

I guess I will start off this review with the positives aspects of this game, as much as I hate to be positive about this terrible, horrible atrocious, ugly, awful and just plain bad game. I will admit that the graphics for this game are okay. Not great, but not awful. Still graphics are the least important aspect of a video game to me, and the graphics are sadly, this games high point, AND THEY ARE JUST OKAY.

I'd rather not talk about the sound, but I have too. The sound is so fucking repeative, the sound in this game makes me want to maul puppies and kittens and babies. it drives me up the god damn fucking wall. It's annoying.  It really is probably without a doubt the worst soundtrack on the NES. Even beating out the original 18 Black Box games.

This games controls rather poorly. Dr. Jekyll must be walking on molasses because the fucker is so god damn slow it's pathetic, WHICH really fucks up the game, because the guys who drop bombs are incredibly fast and the bombs explode pretty quickly, so you have to get Jekyll past them before they go kablooey. (I love it when things go Kablooey... sorry I just had to quote Duck Tales there), really your slow ass character is the biggest flaw in this game and will probably cause your hair to fall out (I'm blaming this game for my hair loss..)

I should also mention that you'd don't really have a weapon. That stick you carry around for whatever reason only works on one fucking enemy. the fucking bees. I don't know what the hell the game developers were smoking when they decided to make it so your only weapon will only hit one enemy. Oddly enough despite these flaws the game only becomes hard around level 6, but level 6 will cause you to kill your entire family, neighbours, and probably get sent to prison for life.

If it hasn't become obvious, I do not like the NES game, Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, in fact I feel that it is one of the worst, if not THE worst game on the NES. It's annoying sounds, poor control, weapon that hits ONE FUCKING ENEMY and that fucking last level all combine to a very annoying affair.

Buy it or Skip it: Skip it for the love of god, Skip this fucking game.

Batman: THE VIDEO GAME.

                                                                                

I fucking love the Caped Crusader. I fucking love the old TV series. I fucking love the animated series. I really fucking love the comics. I loved the recent movies, hell I even really really really liked the Tim Burton movies, especially Returns, and of course I fucking love this game, based off the 1989 movie. Well sorta.I don't remember Batman fighting KGBeast and The Executioner and Firefly in the movie, it could have happened but I doubt it. Anyway even if it is only slightly based off the 1989 movie, I don't give a fuck because this game kicks some serious fucking ass.  So on to this review, which doesn't kick any ass.

The graphics are honestly some of the best on the NES. Everything is nice and bright and identifible. The animations of everything exploding is awesome. (And everything does explode. Even Batman himself. HOW COOL IS THAT?)  The sounds and music, just as awesome. EVERY SONG in this  game is fucking awesome and I would totally listen to any of them anytime. The play control, excellent. Everything about this game is excellent.

I've heard people complain about the challenge, but those people are fucking pussies who need to man up. This game is hard, yes, but it's the good kind of hard that even though it kicks your ass, you get right back up to playing it. YOU WANT to beat this game, unlike other hard games like Dr. Jekyll, which are just unfairly hard. This game is fair in its hardness. (ha i said hardness) and honestly the only really really hard part is the final boss battle with the Joker, and even he can be beaten with some practice. In other words, the game has a fair challenge.

Batman: The Video Game is an excellent addition to anyone's video game collection, pretty much everything about this game is insanely awesome, and it is definitely one of the BEST licensed games on the NES. Sunsoft made a great game here, and if you haven't played it. GET THE FUCK OFF THIS FUCKING BLOG AND PLAY IT YOU FUCKER.

Buy it or Skip it :  What do you think my advice on this purchasing this game would be?

Baseball

I must admit something. I do not like sports. I have never liked sports. Not as a child. Not now. Mostly because of Gym class. I know you are going "LOL. HE'S A FATTY". Yes. I am obese. Fat. LARDO, BUT it's not the major reason actually. I would have played, if anyone would play with me. I'm pretty sure we had a extra person in the class and I was chosen last for everything. LAST. mostly because most people didn't want to be seen with me, because I was the class loser. the outcast. the person no one liked. It's because of painful memories of gym class that I can't really watch sports. That and they are fucking boring as hell.

                                                                                    

Baseball (what a original title!) was made in 1983 for the Famicom, and was brought over to the NES in 1985, making it one of the first NES titles to be released. one of the black box games, people on the internet seem to go wild over. There were 18 of them, and a lot of them sucked. So I don't really know why people on the internet freak out and go I MUST HAVE THEM WITH BOX AND MANUAL. WOOO, but that's a rant for another time.

                                                                                 
Baseball is probably the worst of the original black box games, yes, it even out does 10 Yard Fight in terms of shittiness. Baseball somehow has uglier graphics and worse sound, and these graphics were fucking ugly for 1983. And the sound well I don't remember it being that bad, yeah I'm reviewing this game from memory, because I don't want to play this shitty ass  game again.

Well, the biggest problem with this game, is that your characters are so. god. damn. slow, and I don't want to wait an entire day for one guy to get a home run.

I'm tired of talking about this stupid game, if you want to play a baseball game, don't play this. every other game is probably better. I say probably, because I haven't bothered to play Bo Jackson Baseball or Tony Hawks Baseball or  Roger Clemens Baseball or one of the 8,000 Bases Loaded games.

Buy it or Skip it: Skip it. Not worth your time, even if you can probably find it for $2.

Introduction!

Well, this isn't going to be a very long post. I'm just saying this is going to be a blog where I talk about anything related to the Nintendo Entertainment System!


see. told ya it wasn't gonna be long!