Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

                                                                             
This seems to be the internet's favorite B-movie, but I am not the biggest fan of it, for one reason which we will get to in a minute. Today we are talking about Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2 from 1987. It's a very cheaply produced movie and It's not very good but I'll save you the trouble of reading the rest of the review and say that yes, it still is worth watching. I don't put it on my favorite bad movies list like the rest of the internet seems to but I do think it's worth a watch mostly because of Eric Freeman, who we will get to in a bit also!

The biggest flaw this movie has is that the first forty mintues are composed of flashback scenes from the original movie. No joke, I know the producers told the people who made this movie (and they recieved very little money for too!) to re-edit the original movie but the director was having none of that. Still despite the budgetary reasons for the flash back footage it's not a terrible thing to say that I wish they'd have put in you know more NEW footage. I had already seen the previous movie a week ago, and I'd seen that movie a lot too, so I skipped pretty much 40 minutes of a movie. You shouldn't be able to say that damnit! I don't like skipping through movies.

And what's even sadder is that the new footage is actually pretty enjoyable and I wish they had more of it. It's enjoyable for one reason though, Eric Freeman. Eric is my choice for the worst actor of all time. I'm not joking here. He is really really really terrible, but my god he is so fucking funny even though any human being could probably act better than he could, they certainly couldn't be as entertaining as Eric. I'm sad that Eric didn't continue with this series or do any other movies because man oh man the guy is a fucking hoot. The movie would have been a rather bland slasher film with flashbacks to a entertaining slasher film if it wasn't for Eric. You saved this movie, Eric and I hope you are having a good life out there wherever you are.

Also the movie seems to forget it's a holiday slasher film.  Ricky never gets into the SANTA CLAUS suit until like 20 or so minutes of the movie is left, but who really cares about that anyway, Eric is so goddamn fun to watch.  Also for fans of the original movie, Mother Superior finally gets it in this one, but honestly, the actress who does her really wasn't trying and the actress in the original movie MADE that character. Seriously,  Mother Superior in the original movie was fun to hate, but not really so much in the sequel, I guess they couldn't afford her for this movie. Anyway here's an interesting tidbit, the actress from the sequel supposedly died in a home invasion shortly after this movie was finished filming! that kinda sucks! a lot! she wasn't a very good actress but that's no reason to wish her dead!


I'm kinda sick of talking about this movie now, so I guess that means I'm gonna clue up. Everything about this movie kinda sucks and if it wasnt for Eric Freeman I would have probably stopped watching it halfway through. I love you Eric. I seriously hope you are happy with whatever you're doing out there!

Silent Night Deadly Night (1984)

                                                                              
Now this is the Killer Santa Claus movie everyone knows about, okay I doubt every single person on the planet knows about Silent Night Deadly Night, but it's got an incredibly large cult following on the internets and to be fair, I doubt this review will be as long as my one for Christmas Evil, because funnier people have done reviews of this movie already. Pretty much everyone with some blogs / sites related to B-movies has already talked about this movie. Only reason I'm really adding this review to the pile of other reviews that people have done about this movie is because I plan to talk about the sequels too and it would look weird if I didn't talk about the original (and to be absoluetly fair the best) movie in the series.

                                                                          

Also before I get into the movie I would like to say a hearty fuck you to every person who protested this movie when it came out. Fuck you Mickey Rooney. Fuck you mothers who got mad over it. Fuck you Siskel and Ebert. Fuck you Leonard Maltin. Seriously, if you don't want your kids to see this movie DON'T FUCKING LET THEM. Don't get in the people who want to see its faces and try to stop people from having a good time. Seriously, go fuck yourselves.  Okay, with that little rant ouf ot the way (hey it's something everyone has to talk about when the review this movie, how moronic and stupid the people who protested it were. Not saying they didn't have the right too, but I do think they are shitbags for doing it. And seriously watch the youtube video of Siskel and Ebert review this movie, goddamn are they snobby pricks although it is fun to watch them argue at times.)

                                                                         

Now for the movie, which I honestly have to say is incredibly enjoyable. The best part of this movie in my mind would have to be the characters, they are all so incredibly entertaining. My favorites would have to be Billy's boss, Mother Superior (she's really fun to hate) and Billy's Grandpa. I don't think theres a person alive who could hate William Hare. Dude was fucking nuts in this movie, you could tell he actually scared the shit out of the kid who he was acting with, he was that out of his mind talking about how evil Santa Claus was. There are so many incredibly enjoyable scenes in this movie, like when Billy as a kid punches the Santa Claus who comes to the orphange in the nose breaking it. Holy shit that HAS to be one of the greatest scenes in film history. Also the plot is better than you'd expect for a slasher movie, which is Billy as a 5 year old sees a man dressed up as Santa Claus kill his parents which causes him to go fucking bonkers later on in life. Not an oscar winning plot but it does the job (and seriously fuck anyone who says THIS MOVIE HAS NO PLOT! about any movie. I hate to break it to you sweetie, but every single movie ever made no matter how stupid has a goddamn plot. The plots may not be good, but it's fucking there) and this movie has Linnea Quigley which always a damn good thing. Seriously I love that woman, every movie I've seen her in was a goddamn riot, if I see her name in a movie I know I'm gonna have a good time.


Anyway, Silent Night Deadly Night is a great Christmastime horror movie. A incredibly fun little movie with admittly better acting than you'd expect, not great but you could tell most of the actors were having fun in their roles which in the end is a damn good thing if you ask me. I also think I read somewhere that the man who played Billy is incredibly rich because he's on the board of directors of this company, so I doubt he even cares what anyone says about this movie as he has more money than any of us ever will.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Arcade Game (1990)

A big reason why I still love these games is because of nostaliga. It's not the only reason, because I do like a lot of games a whole lot that I never knew even existed as a kid (like the original Contra and Super C... I thought that series started on the SNES...yes I was dumb) anyway I am a goddamn whore for nostaliga and those halcyon days of yore, and there is nothing that brings me back faster than someone mentioning something that had to do with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, sure I watched more television as a kid than anyone should ever allow,  but they were always my favorite. For crying out loud I wanted to name my baby sister April, that or Baby X. BUT NO MY PARENTS HAD TO GO WITH SOME LAME NAME. damnit.

                                                                             

Anyway, I loved all 3 of the TMNT games that they put out for the NES. And Turtles in Time for the SNES (I'll get to reviewing SNES games one day, maybe. I hope.) But yes, these games gave me some great times as a kid, and holy heaven are still fun today! That's right I'm even including the original TMNT game in with the others. I do think thats a bonafide NES classic. And anyone who cant beat the damn dam stage is a wuss. That's right. I said it. Now today we shall be taking a look at the first sequel to the NES game which is a port of the arcade game (which if i recall correctly I NEVER got to play as a kid. That's right. I never got to play it till I was at least a teenager, and that's a god damn shame) and this port has two extra levels!

                                                                             

Maybe I'm biased but I actually like this port more than the original arcade game, maybe it's the nostalgia or what not, but I actually get more enjoyment out of this game than the arcade game. I'm not saying the arcade game was a piece of shit, no, it was pretty damn good too, just I like this version more. I think it's the sweet lookin polar bear in one of the new levels. He's got one smooth ass leather jacket!. Anyway, let's get to the game. Anyway I think everything about this game is pretty fun, great graphics, good music, great level design (I fuckin love that snow level) and great 2-player fun (still a hoot even with one player). I don't really have anything bad to say about this game. It's just a fun little timewaster.

They are still making TMNT games but I haven't played any of them and frankly I don't really care too. They are all based on that new cartoon that I don't care about. Damnit, I like my turtles cartoon to be as goddamn corny as humanly possible. Don't try to make something as goofy as TMNT serious. That's no good! Ya morons!

Shadow of the Ninja (1990)

                                                                               
I think it's a shame that Natsume just pumps out Harvest Moon games which I don't enjoy as much as everyone else ever seems to do. (Not to say anything bad about those games, they are decent fun, but I don't think they are so goddamn insanely amazing, and definetly not worth the money the older games go for on eBay.) because their non-Harvest Moon games were and still are fucking amazing. It's a shame that of the four games they made for the NES, only Abadox has gotten a bit of popularity, nothing against Abadox because thats an awesome game too, BUT each one of their games on the NES needed to be as popular as Abadox, as they are all fucking excellent games.

I have no idea what this games plot is but I don't really give a flying fuck anyway. They (this game has TWO ninjas, a male and a female!) just have to stop some big asshole from taking over the earth or some shit. I've said it before and I'll probably say it again, every plot on the NES sucked. I might give a good plot related points to like 6 NES games out of like almost 800 but the plot for this game is not important. Do you really care about the plot for a sidescroller? Fuck NO. You just wanna tear shit up, and that's what you get to do in this game, tear the SHIT out of as many weird enemies as humanly possible. The graphics for the time are AMAZING, very bright and vibrant. The sound is also incredibly memorable. The challenge is just right, this won't be a game you'll be in a day or two, no, unless you are like A fucking GOD at NES games, it will take you a few days to beat it. Maybe even a week, the five lives you get go by FAST. (they call the lives continues in this game so you continue from the level you died at even if you died at the boss, I'm sure that makes some youtube reviewing crybabies very happy.) I really don't have anything bad to say about this game. It's fucking great.                                                                                    

                                                                                
                                                                               

If you like sidescrollers or Ninjas YOU NEED TO OWN THIS GAME. This is an excellent game, upthere with the Ninja Gaiden and TMNT games (In fact I'd even rate this game higher than the third Ninja Gaiden game!) Everything about it works. Seriously, if you were like a lot of people, disapointed by Ninja Gaiden III (which I wasn't, it has flaws, but I feel it's still a good game) Shadow of the Ninja may be a very good replacement for Ninja Gaiden III, pretend this is the third part instead, you can just pretend Irene became a Ninja or some shit. I don't know. Just get this game.

RoboCop 2 (1990)

                                                                               
I think it's interesting on how I'm reviewing this game only a few days after the man who directed the movie RoboCop 2 died at the age of 87. And I didn't know he also directed The Empire Strikes Back and that unofficial James Bond movie, but despite not being as good as the original film I enjoyed Robo Cop 2. Sure it's cheesy and silly as hell but it was at least an enjoyable motion picture just because of how strange and weird it was. And even if you didn't like Robo Cop 2 it was still a whole hell of a lot better than the game based on it. Plus the Robo Cop 2 robot at the end of the movie was fucking awesome.

                                                                                

Well, I think anyone who wants me to trash licensed games will be happy with this review, because I do not like this game in the slightest. I'm not going to lie, there are things about this game are pretty good. The graphics are actually pretty nice and smooth and textured even if Robo Cop himself looks really fucking goofy. The music is decent but not really memorable, I don't it will ever be on a top ten list of peoples favorite games. What totally ruins this entire game and makes it a pointless waste of time (a pointless waste of time that I finished. Yes, I like wasting my precious God given time on this earth playing bad NES games, but to be fair I would have easily wasted that time away even if I didn't play NES games.)  is the play control. Robocop's jump is really goddamn awkward. The character seems to slip all over the place which causes me to have an aneurysm.  I have no idea how I beat this game with controls this incredibly bad.

                                                                          

RoboCop 2 is what people think when they think of licensed games. Very bad games that were thrown together at the last minute (I'm sure this game was put together ten days before it was supposed to be released) The entire game is a ugly waste of time and plastic, and I'd rather watch Robo Cop 3 than play this game ever again. Also fuck that goddamn stupid shooting scene after you lose the first level because you didn't collect enough Nuke. So goddamn annoying. Fuck this game. Hard.

Q*Bert (1989)

                                                                              

To be honest I wanted to not do a review of this game mostly because I didn't want to review two arcade games back to back, but then I realized that the other Q games I have are Qix (which I'm sure was in the arcades, don't ask me. Arcades were before my time!) and Quattro Sports. You see I don't own any other Q games. That and their weren't too many to talk about, so I guess you get two arcade games in a row. I don't think I need to explain what Q*Bert is, as it was a very popular Arcade game. It was even made fun of in the Simpsons. Or was that Family Guy. Or maybe both. I can never remember. Also I think you can tell I'm pushing the length of this review up, of course I know the fucking difference between the Simpsons and Family Guy. Oh well, let's get this abortion over with.

                                                                             

I should also say this right now, I don't really like Q*bert or at least this version of it. The NES version of Q*Bert has pretty good graphics and sound, but the goddamn controls are very annoying. They are just incredibly bothersome to me and I find it incredibly hard to move the character around without dying. I have no idea if the arcade version did it better or what but I honestly do not really like this game. I do declare this to be the worst of the arcade to NES games

                                                                                

Yeah, I kinda wish I had Quattro Arcade or Quattro Adventure so that you could at least get a good review more than two paragraphs long but you'll take this review and you'll like it you fuck.

Christmas Evil (1980)

Well, it's December again! You know what that means! Christmas! and you know shitty blogs like mine will spend most of their time talking about obscure Christmas related things AND well you'd be right. Yep, I have a whole slew of horror movies that take place during Christmas AND New Years and don't act like your surprised they made a horror movie around those holidays because they made horror movies based around every god damn Holiday you could think of, EVER. I'm sure theres some horror movie based around Arbor Day out there.

                                                                                   

Our first movie is a very special film intitled Christmas Evil.  Very special indeed because for years I would call this the worst motion picture I had ever seen. I can even remember the first time I saw it, when I was like fifteen years old, expecting a movie the cover promised, but I did not get that movie, instead I got this very dull motion picture and I would have kept calling this the worst movie I had ever seen until I got this great idea to make this terrible, terrible blog where I talk about pointless shit like old NES games and movies like Christmas Evil. In other words, things 98% of the world has never given a shit about and never will. 

                                                                                 

But yes, I decided to re-watch the movie for two reasons. I felt giving the review based on vauge memories of the film wasn't fair, and I wanted to see if the movie was as bad as I remembered. Well, it isn't. I've definetly seen worse motion pictures than this in the last ten years. Hell, I actually enjoyed worse motion pictures than this in the last ten years. I still don't get the weird cult behind this movie but I don't really hate this movie anymore and to be fair it's still not a very good or enjoyable movie in my opinion.

The big reason I and many other people don't really like this movie is because it's simply not very interesting. I don't really like calling movies boring because people will think I need my movies to be fast paced and all that shit. I really don't. It's just that the plot of this guy who really likes Christmas and goes crazy just isn't that good when told seriously. That's the big reason this movie blows is that they try to take the whole guy dressed up as Santa seriously. Like fucking hell that's an idea that will never ever ever be taken seriously by anyone so you might as well sleaze up the entire movie with crazy antics like in Silent Night Deadly Night.

                                                                               

To be fair to Christmas Evil though, the main actor is pretty decent and the movie has some fun scenes, and I like the fact he actually does some Santa like things (like climbing down the chimney) it's all just taken way too seriously for me and a movie like this really shouldn't be taken seriously. Not for a goddamn moment. Still it was the first feature length movie where a guy dresses up as Santa Claus and kills people (the first time was in Tales From the Crypt and was only a 20 minute segment) still being the first doesn't mean you were the best. Not in the slightest.

(Note: This movie is also known as You Better Watch Out & Terror in Toyland)