Exodus: Journey to the Promised Land (1991)

                                                                              
I may consider Color Dreams / Wisdom Tree / Bunch Games to be the worst company on the NES. I feel most of their games are some of the worst games on the NES, and even then they did put out some good games. I really like Spirtual Warfare a whole lot, even if it just a religious version of Zelda. And the game I'll be talking about today Exodus is okay and it's sequel Joshua is also an okay game. Nothing fantastic but decent playable titles. Plus the oddity factor of those games being based around the bible. Which is still really damn funny to me, but to be fair it was a good idea, religious people have money to spend and making games around religious ideals made them money, hell they are still in business in 2010. You can't say that about Tengen or American Video Entertainment. They may have made some really bad games but they are still kicking ass.

Something I should mention about Exodus is that it's pretty much the Color Dreams game Crystal Mines but some sprites changed around and stuff. So I guess that means Crystal Mines is also an okay game, and that I don't have to spend any time reviewing it. Crystal Mines was cooler though, in that game you played as a badass mining robot but in this game you play as Moses or some other bible guy, I mean I've said it before that I don't know shit about the bible. Also Crystal Mines wasnt the only game they changed around and re-released it, they did the same with Menace Beach (oh god) which was remade into Sunday Funday (oh god again) and I've beaten both of those games, mostly because I'm mentally ill, and don't take that as a joke either, you really should play either of those games for a second and then you'll realize I'm crazy for spending more than a second with either of them.

Exodus, along with Crystal Mines were both puzzle games. I don't know if the levels were different or anything in either version because I haven't played too much of these games. Mostly because I've already played the better puzzle games on the NES. Adventures of Lolo 1-3, Kickle Cubicle, Puzznic, and Fire N Ice. I've already played each and every one of them and even beaten some of them and they all beat the shit out of this game. Seriously. I'm not going to really rag on the graphics because they aren't too terrible, and the music won't kill you. The reason this game isn't as good as those other games as it just feels slow. this entire game feels very sluggish. It's really hard to put into words, and the fact that you have to find the exit after you beat the level is really annoying to me too. Another weird thing is that you can pick the level you start on. You can pick either level 1, 11, 21, and so on up to 100 or so. That's a neat feature but I think I'd rather have a password feature. I just feel like I'm cheating when I do that level select thing. I'm weird I know that.

If you can get past the fact the game feels pretty slow, I think you'd find Exodus pretty fun. It's definitely not a bad game, but to be honest I don't think the NES HAD a really bad puzzle game. I don't care too much for Solomon's Key but even then I don't think I'd call that game bad either. Still Exodus isn't as good as those other games but I think you could find a decent amount of fun in this game. It's no Spiritual Warfare, but it's also no Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu.                                                                                                                                                                         

Marvel Team Up #120 (August 1982)

                                                                              
I fucking love Team Up comics. Every single god damn series they created. Brave and the Bold where Batman teams up with some random DC hero. DC Comics Presents where Superman teams up with a random DC character. Marvel Two in One where The Thing teams up with some random Marvel superhero, and my favorite of the bunch Marvel Team Up where Spiderman Teams up with a random Marvel superhero. I just find team ups to be so much fun to read... mostly because some of them are so very weird (seriously read any Brave and the Bold story written by Bob Haney... crazy shit) plus it's a good way to get people interested in lesser known heroes... like the hero Spider Man teams up with in this issue, Dominic Fortune.

I do not know a single thing about Dominic Fortune, and I'm pretty sure this is the only issue I have where he appears (I could be wrong though, I own a lot of these damn things) but that's not to say he isn't an interesting character, but since this issue doesn't really go over his origin, I will have to do so here. He's just a adventerer for hire / mercenary and goes around fighting crime in the 1930s! and he beats up Nazis! no one likes them!
Ok that was a pretty lame recap of his origin but to be fair I don't really know too much about the character, but I do like this issue. One thing I like about this issue is it's insane plot. MY PERSONAL HERO Turner D. Century comes back from the dead (he's a super villain, they are harder to kill than a cockroach) and he has a new creation. A time horn as he calls it. What does the time horn do... why it kills anyone under the age of 65, because Turner is a goddamn lunatic who loves old time shit. Plus he calls Spider Man Effeminate! who couldnt love this guy???

                                                                                  
See?!? SEE!? how awesome is that? Another great thing about this issue is that Dominic Fortune is a goddamn douchebag which to me is hilarious. Seriously the dude fucking bitches out AUNT FUCKING MAY. who the fuck would do that. Dominic GODDAMN Fortune, but to be fair he's all fucking depressed for a bunch of reasons, like growing old and not being able to fight crime anymore, losing the woman he loves and not knowing where she is, AND having to be put in an old folks home. That would make anyone a grumpy gus. That's also another thing I like about the issue is how Dominic Fortune actually fucking ages like a normal human being unlike every other hero, damn I'm serious about my superhero funnybooks!

In the end this is a really fun issue to read, even if you don't like Spider Man you gotta admit Dominic Fortune is a bastard for sassing out Aunt May??? DON'T YOU AT LEAST WANT TO READ THAT? you don't WELL FUCK YOU.

DuckTales 2 (1993)

                                                                              
DuckTales 2... some people don't know it existed. Some people don't like it as much as the original game. Some people like it more. Some people like it just as much as the original game. I'm one of those people. I feel Duck Tales 2 is as good as the original game, which in my mind is a god damn classic, but to be fair I really like every single Disney game Capcom made, and yes that includes Adventures in the Magic Kingdom (although that one is the worst of the lot) and TailSpin (and I didn't even like that stupid show as a kid either!)

                                                                            
If you may let me ramble on about Cartoons for a bit, I must say that the cartoons that showed on the Disney Afternoon (which is two decades old. My god I feel old now.) were amazing.  Duck Tales. Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers. Darkwing Duck. Gargoyles. Goof Troop. Fuck, I'm one of the few people who even liked Bonkers for crying out loud. And you know whats even better, every single one of them was made into a great game (well I've never played the Sega Genesis Gargoyles game but if you ask me the rest were made into very soild NES / SNES titles) Those cartoons are still very entertaining to watch now, even though I'm 25 years old. They were funny, had great plots, entertaining characters and I guess thats enough of me gushing about the shows, I think It's time to talk about the game itself!

                                                                                     

Duck Tales 2 is like pretty much every other Capcom / Disney game for the NES as in It's a platformer. I say almost because TailSpin was actually a shump, but it makes sense for that show. Either way, Duck Tales 2 is a great platformer with good level design, damn good graphics and good music (but nothing is as good as the Moon theme in the original NES game. Also here's a remix of that theme. It's amazing.) Another thing I liked about DuckTales 2 is that Gyro Gearloose is in it. I mean I THINK he was in the Bonus Level in the original game but I'm not completely sure. Webby is also here but no one ever gave a shit about her. I forget if Gizmoduck and Bubba make cameos or not, but it's still nice to see Gyro because I like that big old bird bastard. Gyro will also make cool stuff for you that will help you during the game. See he's more worthwhile then that dumb ass Bubba. Man, those later episodes of Duck Tales were just weird.

Honestly, I'm just going to say this, If you like Duck Tales as much as I do which is a damn lot, you should really invest in a copy of this game. Sadly thanks to NintendoAge assholes and eBay pricks this game costs a whole hell of a lot of money now. Thanks a lot, dickheads.

Crystalis (1990)

                                                                                
This game will always remind me of a old NES Forums user. A giant douchebag who would get mad when you didn't agree with him that Pokemon was amazing and this was the best NES game ever made. I used to disagree with him just to get him started. It was great fun and I'm sure most people who I force to read this blog remember the guy too. BUT to be completely and utterly honest Crystalis is a pretty damn good game. I don't like it as much as he did but I do think it's a pretty worthy game for your collection.

                                                                          
Crystalis is like Zelda, and Startropics, and Startropics 2, and Willow and a whole hell of a lot of other games. Personally I like the Action RPG subgenre and feel they are a lot more fun than the regular kind of RPGs. I think Crystalis is the first one I've talked about too, well I should mention that the games are usually from a top down perspective and you can walk in any direction, and they have all the neat parts of RPGs without most of the annoying parts I don't really care for. I dunno, I just have a lot more fun playing Action RPGS than straight RPGS, but thats just me.

                                                                                      
Pretty much everything about Crystalis is good. The plot might not be the most amazing thing ever made but it's a decent serviceable plot. PLUS the plot takes place in a post apoclypse setting, and I've mentioned I love those settings. And the game has mutants. How cool is that?!?! The graphics are insanely good, everything looks nice and lush. The music is great, very catchy and memorable. The game isn't overlong like some RPGs and it feels like the perfect lenght for this type of game. All in all I think this is a pretty damn good game.

Crystalis is a very worthy game for anyones collection, unless you don't like Action RPGs so I guess you won't care for Crystalis. Or you are Jon Hornbaker, but no one listens to him anyway.

Bad Street Brawler (1987)

                                                                                 
This game was supposed to work with the Power Glove... which is a good way to realize you shouldn't have bought this game in the first place. I don't have the Power Glove but I've heard its pretty stupid and bad (to be fair I do want a Power Glove just because its a piece of Nintendo history not because it's any good) and this game doesn't work very well with the regular Controller, I don't see how it would work any better with a hunk of shit like the Power Glove (also someone at my local flea market was selling it in box for 80 bucks. That shit aint worth that much, and don't give me that OH ITS IN THE BOX shit, I'm not a big NintendoAge loser who needs everything in the box, I mean I lose the damn box. Also the box looked like some dog tore the shit out of it, seriously. If I wanted the box I'd want it to look a bit better than it did, well pointless rant over with!)

                                                                                         

Programmed by Beam Software (who did most of LJNs titles like Back to the Future) and published by Mattel (who sold Nintendo game systems in Europe and I think parts of Canada for Nintendo. Betcha didnt know that!) is to be quite honest a bad game, but I don't think it's as bad as a lot of people say, like Seanbaby put the thing on his worst Nintendo games list. I don't think it's that bad, of course there's games on his list I actually like, but we will get to them when we get to them. It's Bad Street Brawler time!

                                                                                  

Another interesting thing I found out about this game is that it was on a bunch of other consoles like the Amiga, the Commodore 64 and MS-DOS. I haven't played any of those versions so I don't know if they are any good but the NES version has a lot of flaws that make it a overall pretty crummy game. First off the controls are not very good, the up button on the control pad makes your character jump, UNlike A or B in like every other game. The only other game I can think of that did that was Trojan, and even though I did like that game it was pretty annoying there. The game in each level gives you two moves, which is actually a neat idea, sadly only one of the two moves are worth it, making it a waste of time to even use the other shittier move, and some of the moves take too much time to pull off (like the Stooge punch in level 3) and the enemies can come around and fuck your shit up. Also the music isn't very good. One thing I will say is that I like the games weird attempt at comedy. The guy you play as is very silly looking, the moves you get are very silly. The enemies are very silly (gorillas, midgets, crazy punk guys) which makes it pretty unique, sadly it just isn't very fun. The graphics are honestly pretty good.

This game reminds me of a really bad Youtube video in which a guy would keep calling the Bad Street Brawler a faggot over and over while saying he didnt have any problem with gays, kinda weird huh. Of course thats what I get for watching Youtube game reviews, seeing as most of them are about as funny as the Family Circus. Still the guy was correct in one thing, Bad Street Brawler is not a very well made video game.

Holy shit.

The impossible has been found.


A funny Ziggy cartoon.


The Apocalypse is coming.

Al Unser Turbo Racing (1990)

I'm starting something different on KKK (oh dear!) where I picked 26 games that start with each letter of the alphabet. ALL AT RANDOM. So this should be a fun 26 posts, Some of the games I've played before, some I havent played at all. Some are great games. Some are terrible piles of shit. It'll be fun to see the next reviews whenever they happen. The first game is Al Unser's Jr Turbo Racing and It's actually the first time I ever played this game and frankly first time I played any racing game I have for the NES that wasn't Rad Racer or Rad Racer 2 and to be honest, I think you really should stick with either Rad Racer game. So so SO much better.

                                                                                  
I feel the way about Data East the way most people on the internet feel about LJN. I think I can name three Data East titles I like to some degree: Captain America, Joe and Mac, and Heavy Barrel, and if we are talking about SNES games I enjoyed both Joe and Mac games for that console, sadly most other Data East games are worse than the Republians (how do you like that dig Roth!?!? It sasses Republicans AND Data East!) Al Unser Jr Turbo Racing is probably say better than Karnov or Bad Dudes (both are popular for some reason I do not know why, the only good thing about Bad Dudes was the laughably bad plot)

                                                                              

However thats all besides the point. Al Unser Jr Turbo Racing is a racing game... and it's not very fun one. I dunno this game is very simple, I mean Rad Racer was a pretty simple game but it was still fun. And this game is a whole lot like Rad Racer except without the charm or the fun. What I'm trying to say is Al Unser's Jr Turbo Racing is really really boring. The graphics are good enough I suppose, but Rad Racers were even better if you ask me. The sound is forgetable and not as good as Rad Racers (and I'm not like the biggest fan of Rad Racers music)

To be honest, Al Unser Jr's Turbo Racing is far from the worst game you could own, but it probably costs the same as Rad Racer and Rad Racer is a much, much, MUCH better game. Rad Racer is without a doubt the best racing game on the NES I've played yet and Al Unser's Turbo Racing probably ISN'T the worst. At least I hope it isn't.