Popeye (1985?)

                                                                               
OK, this is for the shitty Othello "review" I posted, At least it is to make up for that "review" and to be fair, Othello is a game meant for two human players, it simply isn't very entertaining otherwise and it WAS true. I didn't have any one to play it with and like Legends of the Diamond I wanted to get to the next game to review and didnt want to waste any time with a really shitty review (trust me the review would have sucked.) But today we take another look at the old BLACK BOX games but today's game is something special, it is to the best of my knowledge the first game to feature a licensed character in a NES game.

                                                                            

That's right, the first game to feature a fictional character wasn't Batman or Scrooge McDuck or Superman or something like that, nope it was Popeye. A character created in like 1929 and a character I have no fond memories of. You see I never saw anything related to Popeye (unless I'm forgetting which could be the case) until I saw the movie with Robin Williams when I was in my teens (I actually remember liking the movie a fair bit too.) so I don't have any nostaligic memories towards the character or the game. I just know who he is. That's it and you'd have to be living under a goddamn rock for decades not to at least know who Popeye the Sailor Man is.

                                                                             

I think this was also an arcade conversion, along with Donkey Kong. I don't know if the arcade game had more levels or anything. I mean the Donkey Kong arcade did have an extra level in it that was taken out in the NES version, but I'm already totally sure anyone wasting their time reading this shit knows what I'm talking about. Enough blather, it's time to get down to the knitty gritty and talk about this game and wouldn't you know it that the first game to have a license stuck on it is actually pretty fucking good.  Maybe I just don't expect as much from 25 year old video games and realize that even the best games back then had problems and that even the worst games have their positive points, what I'm trying to get at is that I like a lot of licensed games most people don't, mostly because I try to remain positive about pretty much everything in my life, even when playing games based off movies and tv shows. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm just not as picky as every other NES fan. Also I should just get back to talking about this game.

Popeye is like pretty much every other arcade classic in that it's very simple and very goddamn addictive. You play through like 3 fucking levels until it resets. I really don't know whats up with these Arcade to NES games but I really like them. They are just simple fun, no crazy outlandish levels, no bosses, no plots, all you do in them is try to get as many points as possible. It's just a really simple fun. I know I haven't talked much about the game but there's not much to say. For its time the graphics are pretty damn good, backed up with some catchy music. The play control is also very good, and I'm saying this right now, that if you like your arcade classics, I'm fucking sure you will like Popeye. Now get off your ass and get yourself a copy of this game.

Othello (1988)

                                                                               
No, there wasn't some crazy game based around the Shakespearean play that I never read, no this is the board game Reversi (which is also called Othello I don't know why though) which is well a pretty fun game, if you have two players. I don't have anyone who wants to play Reversi with me so I can't review this NES game. Bye.

Comics I bought today!

This is just a quick little update to brag about the amazingly beautiful comics I bought today at the flea market. They are all old Adventure Comics from like the 1960s, Superboy and Superboy and the Legion of Super Heroes stories. Here they are

                                                       

See? See? I told you they were fucking amazing. I don't even know which one of them is my favorite. I think it might be the Revenge of the Knave From Krypton. I haven't even read these stories but I can tell they will fucking bonkers.

Ninja Crusaders (1990)

                                                                                    
In the 1980s, people fucking loved Ninjas. There were a shitload of Ninja related movies made, there were a bunch of cartoons involving Ninjas (like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) and of course a massive amount of games where you play as a Ninja (and don't forget the massive amount of games where Ninjas appear as enemies... like in Gun.Smoke. Yes, a goddamn western game had Ninjas in it. Thats how much people loved Ninjas) We all know about the greatness of the Ninja Gaiden games, and even the games based off the Ninja Turtles. BUT what we didn't know about is this fine little gem from American Sammy.

                                                                                

American Sammy made like 3 games for the NES BUT in my mind they were all pretty damn fun games. Amagon, Vice Project Doom and today's title Ninja Crusaders. I actually think Ninja Crusaders is the weakest of the three games, with Vice Project Doom being the best of the lot. Seriously, if you like Ninja Gaiden, Cabal or Spy Hunter you need to check out Vice Project Doom, that game is all 3 IN ONE. Now how awesome is THAT? And what makes this game unique is how depending on your weapon you can turn into an animal. A tiger, scorpion, dragon or falcon. All of those animals have their strenghts and weaknesses and I think it's a pretty neat gimmick (also if you are like me and didn't realize you could turn into an animal until you looked it up, you hold the attack button)

                                                                                 

Now I think the games graphics are pretty decent for 1990. You can easily tell what everything is, I mean it's not the lush graphics of say Super Mario Bros. 3 or something that really pushes the graphical chip of the NES to its limits but they aren't so terrible they will bother you, but to be fair the bad graphics in NES games don't bother me. Not even in Uncanny X-Men. The music is well pretty decent also, but it's not very memorable. The game is pretty hard but I think if you work at it hard enough you can easily beat it, but to be fair I believe that to be the case with EVERY game you work enough at it and you can do it. Ninja Crusaders isn't as hard as Ninja Gaiden but it'll still take a week or two of solid NES playing to beat it.

Ninja Crusaders is not as good as any of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles games. Well, its better than Tournament Fighters. And it doesn't even deserve to lick the balls of Ninja Gaiden, but really those games are classics and some of the best on the NES. Ninja Crusaders is a fun little sidescroller that has a neat gimmick, but it's no classic. Still worth the $5 you'll shell out to get a copy of it.

Metal Mech

                                                                              
You know I try to be very fair with my game reviews. I try to find something good about every game I review, except for like really shitty games like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde or Dragon's Lair. There are a shit load of NES games I really like that no one else does. like for example, I'm a fan of Superman, Total Recall and Godzilla. Many people hate those games but I was able to find some enjoyment out of them. Not saying they will become my favorite games on the system, but I feel they are way too hated, shit they are all streets ahead of this pile of shit we are going to talk about today, and belive me, I don't got anything nice to say.

                                                                               

Metal Mech is a lot like the game Blaster Master if Blaster Master was a piece of shit. Metal Mech was made by Sculptured Software who I think made Virtual Bart which I spent hours of my life trying to beat as a kid, admittly I liked Virtual Bart then but I haven't played it since so I have no idea how it holds up, but I know this game is a pile of shit, but getting back to my original point, this game is a lot like Blaster Master, I even refer to it as the ghetto Blaster Master. Remember how you could get out of your ship in Blaster Master and go around right? Same thing here (I don't think theres any overhead parts in Metal Mech, but I can't stand playing this piss poor pile of shit for very long) except instead of being in a cool underground cave of sorts fulled with neat monsters and shit, you get a very uninteresting city look, and everything looks drab and bored like they tried to rush this game out.

                                                                                

Another problem is the control really sucks, where as controlling the guy and his tank in Blaster Master was easy. It's annoying here. The Mech jumps really awkwardly and it's weapons cant shoot anyone under it. The guy sometimes gets stuck on fucking ladders, it all feels like this game was barely finished. The music is very uh not memorable, seriously I just played this game minutes ago. MINUTES. not hours, years, months, days or whatever ago. MINUTES and I still do not remember the music and I'm not even going to bother to check to see if the game even HAD any because I don't want to play that game again.

I've beaten Superman and Total Recall because somehow I saw good in those games, maybe I'm crazy I don't know but I don't hate those games. I think they honestly did some good things in both of them. Metal Mech did nothing good, has no charm, isn't interesting. It's just a boring ugly annoying video game that is better left forgotton. Like my Legends of the Diamond "review".

Legends of the Diamond (who cares?)

Laser Invasion. Last Action Hero. Last Ninja. Last Starfighter. Life Force.

Legacy of the Wizard. Legend of Kage. Legendary Wings. Lemmings. Little League Baseball

Little Mermaid. Little Nemo. Little Ninja Brothers. Little Sampson. Lode Runner.

Lone Ranger. Loopz. Low G Man. Lunar Pool. These are all the games I own that start 

with the letter L. Every single one of them would have been a better choice (except 

for Little League Baseball) than today's game. Sadly I ended up picking Legends

of the Diamond for my alphabetical order review thing no one cares about. You see its 

hard to talk about a sports game period, even the best ones. It's goddamn impossible

when you don't even like the good sports games.

I don't know what it is but I never really cared for sports. Football, Hockey, 

Baseball, Soccer, Tennis, Basketball. You name it, I don't give a shit about it. I can

remember back to a fonder time when I was a but a wee child and we would have reading 

time at school. A full period where we just read a book of our choosing. Every other boy

would read a sports related novel written by some guy named Christopher 

Iforgothislastnameforfucksakeitwas18yearsago and I would be reading Tintin or Choose your Own

Adventure or this weird seires about a bunny who could talk because he was a lab testing animal 

(if you know what series I'm talking about I will give you a kings ransom to know its name.)

And I don't think I ever rented a single sports title, except for Super Punch Out when I was a kid.

Not one. I don't even want to play this game because I know for a goddamn fact that I'll be bored in 

about twenty seconds.

In fact, I refuse to play this game, and I'm going to say it's a piece of shit. There. 

Legends of the Diamond sucks ass. and yes I know the format for this review is 

screwed up, I don't care. Blame that piece of shit Legends of the Diamond. And I'm just going to say it 

RIGHT NOW, except for the Punch Out games and the original Baseball Stars, all other sports games suck shit 

and I hate them, yes that includes Blades of Steel, Ice Hockey and Tecmo Super Bowl. I'd rather eat a pile 

of dog shit than play even those games. God damn fuck shit.  

(Also despite the fact I didn't really like sports as a kid, one of my favorite movies ever is The Sandlot.. 

which revolves around baseball. I don't get me either.)

Comic Book Ads Part 1!

I don't really feel like talking about the third part of the Spider Man story, or talking about the next game I mean to review (it's a baseball game... and I'm dreading playing it because I hate even the best sports games.) so I decided why not just discuss the ads from the old comic books I loved so much as a child. Maybe I was just a weird child but I really liked a lot of the old ads, they were unique and colorful and very charming. Today I will now talk about a bunch of them and make sarcastic remarks about them because I've grown up to be a very bitter man.

                                                                                   
Our first ad today is uhh... A team up with Spider Man and Captain Crunch...yeah... well not exactly a team up because the Captain has been kidnapped and this was a weird one because it contintuned from another ad where J. Jonah Jameson tells Peter Parker that Captain Crunch has gone missing (I never thought I'd say those words... but here we are!) and Spider Man has to go fight Sogmaster and the Soggies from the old Captain Crunch ads... but I didn't know that they were Captain's enemies until the creation of the internet, where people could learn some of the most pointless bullshit imaginable I thought they just created them for this one ad. Also I'm still pissed that this didn't have any conculsion, you didn't get to see Spidey pound the shit out of the Sogmaster. Also did anyone win that contest?

                                                                                  
I don't think I ever saw anything related to Gumby except for that one short that was in one episode of Mystery Theatre 3000, but according to wikipedia Gumby ran for 255 episodes from 1955 to 1989, which is 34 goddamn years of a ugly claymation thing (like seriously what the fuck was Gumby supposed to be anyway?) and his horse. I'm still amazed they lasted that long, but yeah Gumby was popular in the 1950s why would you use him in a attempt to sell some random candies made by people I never heard. I seriously haven't heard of Brach's ever but those candies do look pretty good. I dunno maybe they are really famous in america, or were famous during the 1980s, but I still don't know why they fucking bothered with Gumby, why not I dunno anything else.

                                                                                       
There were two versions of Lazer Tag. A version called Photon (which had it's own animated series and a series of novels) and a version just called Lazer Tag which was put out by Worlds of Wonder, who also made Teddy Ruxpin and helped Nintendo with the release of the NES during its first few years in North America and such. It's strange how they actually went out of business because they did create two of the more memorable things from the 1980s. Also despite owning this comic a decade after it came out when I was like 10, I really wanted Lazer Tag, but then again it would have gone to waste because I didn't really have any friends to play with,  but damn that's a cool ad. Also it seems the WoW Lazer Tag also had a cartoon. What didn't have a fucking cartoon back then? They even had a goddamn cartoon about a fucking Rubix Cube (which I just may review if I can find an episode of)

Well, that's it really. I hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane and had fun with this article that I literaly threw together in a few minutes, but I do plan to make a part 2 and a part 3 and a part 4 and so on and so on   discussing the ads of by gone days, when I have no idea, but it'll be done.

Kid Niki: Radical Ninja (1988)

                                                                              
I remember this game from way back in the old NES scene days, mentions of it would come up A LOT. Like most people would make threads on the forums about it, and it would usually end up in a heated debate. I remember people not liking this game and I remember people who were like me and enjoyed the game. I'm still glad I didn't listen to the naysayers (which is an important note I must say, if a game I trash looks good, still give it a shot anyway. I mean shit most games are still pretty cheap and theres always emulators, it's really worth your time to try any game to see what it's like despite what anyone says.) and bought this game for like $5 at Microplay, and I've had this game for a long ass time too. This games been with me for at least a friggin decade. God damn I'm getting nostalgic about the early 2000s.

                                                                                    
Kid Niki is like a platformer game. Like every other single game I talk about. T he NES had a lot of platformers, and it's lucky I'm a fan of that type of game, and that I really like them, STILL talking about the same type of game and just always posting postive reviews can be kinda tedious. I kinda miss yelling and cursing at games. Still Kid Niki is a good game and it's worth playing it. The graphics are pretty good, the challenge is fair (one of the big reasons I remember people back then not liking this game because it was too hard, I feel the challenge is very fair. It's not too hard but it will take you some time to beat the game, you'll have to spend some time with it.) The music is damn good and I have to say this too, the people who made this game were on drugs. A lot of drugs. Seriously this is a very weird NES game. Weird enemies. Weird bosses. Weird level design, I think the weirdness of it all really helps sell the game.

                                                                              

Kid Niki is an all around good game and if you are a fan of strange shit I think you should pick up a copy of this game. Also there were two famicom only sequels that I also enjoyed very much, AND I found out thanks to wikipedia that Kid Niki has a cameo in Kickle Cubicle (another IREM game... a damn good one too) if you hold A on Controller 2 and then turn on the game and keep holding A until the game starts and pow out pops   ol' Kid Niki. Also before I go the box art for this game is fucking terrible, but remember the old saying not to judge a book by it's cover. Kid Niki has one terrible cover but is a damn fine little game.

The Jungle Book (1994)

                                                                               
I remember enjoying the Jungle Book quite a bit when I was a youngster, BUT to be fair I remember absolutetly nothing about the movie. Not a single frame of animation, just that I enjoyed it. I'll be rewatching it (and many other Disney classics! and reviewing them!) soon enough, but today we are going to talk about the video game based off of the last movie Walt Disney had anything to do with. And It's not made by Capcom! but the makers of M.C. Kids (and I like M.C. Kids, in fact  I like it more than the game people call it a ripoff off, that's Super Mario Bros 3 if you don't know. Yes, I like a game on the NES more than super mario brothers) Virgin Entertainment!
                               

                                                                              
The Jungle Book was released in the last year of the NES's lifecycle. Well, unless you count Sunday Funday as a new game than the NES died in 1995, but either way, not a single person probably played this game when it originally came out. At least the NES version. I don't think anyone even had a NES in 1994. I mean I can't even recall many games being released in that year, but its a shame because I think some very enjoyable NES titles were released that year, In fact I like every game released for the NES in 1994 (at least I think I do I may be forgetting some) but I'm pretty sure no one knew about the NES version of the Jungle Book in 1994 because they were probably playing the SNES or Genesis versions (which if I recall correctly are all very similar, except I think the NES version is longer)

                                                                                

The game is your usual sidescroller, but it has a neat gimmick, hidden throughout the level are a number of gems (each level has at least one) that you have to find, making you pretty much search the entire level, personally I think that's a pretty neat idea. Another great thing is that this is probably the only Disney game that will actually challenge players older than 7 years old. Well TaleSpin is also pretty hard for a Disney game but the rest were incredibly easy (damn fun to play,  but fucking easy as hell) the game also has some very nice tunes and some decent but not spectacular graphics (remember this is 1994, the few NES games coming out in that year pretty much pushed the NES to its limits) and the game has a pretty good length, coming in at about 10 or so levels and the last one was a motherfucker.

The Jungle Book for the NES pretty much prooves that the NES was still putting out great games until it's dying days. Except for Sunday Funday. I mean seriously. Also despite being a later release it's not a very rare game, I THINK I ended up paying $10 for it, which is I think a pretty fair price for a later era NES title, of course that's just one man's opinion.

Ice Climber (1985)

                                                                            
I return to the "Black Box games" and before I get into todays game I should take back what I said before about their only being 17 Black Box games, I found that there were way more than I thought, after some research (something I didn't do for my Baseball review, but to be fair you shouldn't waste a second of your time learning about a game that shitty) I found out there were 29 of them, but I'm still standing by the fact I don't see what is so amazing about owning them. They aren't very rare. Of course getting the boxes for some of them is impossible, but only NintendoAge losers want the boxes. And  I do still feel that a good amount of the Black Box games suck ass, BUT today's game is different it is one of the better Black Box games. Today I am going to talk to you about Ice Climber.

                                                                                       

I can remember sprites from this game appearing on the website NES Nation back in like 1996 or 1997, when I would have to use my uncles computer to surf the web and loving that site. I just wanted to mention how cool NES sites used to be before they all died out and we are left with terrible terrible blogs that make the internet incredibly unfun to read (Just like this one!). Ice Climber is a pretty simple game to be honest, but to be completely fair, every other Black Box game were simple. Games back then weren't much more than trying to get a high score. The most important thing about Ice Climber is that it's fun. It's no more than reaching the top of the mountain to stop the condor. That's your plot.

Ice Climber has pretty damn good graphics for its time and some good music. The only flaw I feel the game has is that the controls are a bit wonky and it can be sometimes hard to jump, but that's it really, and for a very early release on the NES that's damn good, shit Ice Climber is a better game than most of the games they release NOW, and that's not even a joke. Ice Climber is a better game than most of the bullshit that gets put on the X Box 360 or the Wii. It has one very minor flaw in that I feel the jumping could have been done a bit better and that's it. Seriously. Ice Climber is really worth the money it costs, which is still like 2 or 3 dollars loose, and I don't know how much it is boxed because boxes are for losers.

The Spectacular Spider Man #13 (Dec. 1977)

                                                                                     

Well I decided that I just couldn't wait and had to share even more of this amazing piece of comic bookery with you people, and that may sound like sarcasm but I actually rather enjoyed re-reading this story and I feel it's better than any of the shit they plop out nowadays (at least thats the case with new spider man stories, for fuck sake he made a deal with the goddamn devil. what. the. hell.) but that's neither here nor there, what we want to see today is the story behind why Sha-Shan is working with this crazy fucker and all about RAZORBACK not Spidey's dumb deal with Mephistphotofofof (goddamn I hate that guy's name so much)

Our story begins just where the last one left of with Razorback and since this is a comic book made back in the 1970s, both of them end up fighting each other (seriously if two heroes appeared in a comic together they had to end up fighting. At least it shows up a lot in Marvel stuff) but after the fight, Razorback is like "all you eastern super-hero types always stomp each other by the way o' introduction" I love it when they make fun of the cliches. Of couse Spiderman freaks out because Sister Sun and Brother Power just could have killed Flash Thompson.

Well seeing as Flash Thompson is a character that's been around since the first issue of the Amazing Spider Man.... he's still safe and sound, except Achmed Korba felt like beating him around a bit. Flash talks about how they looked like they were listening to a voice inside their helmets and how they left, and what a coincidence, their car is speeding away! And Razorback just put a tracking device on it! What a guy. Razorback then shows Flash and Spidey THE BIG PIG which is just his truck , and off they go.  He also mentions that his sister Bobby Sue is now a part of the Legion of Light (Brother Power's cult)

We cut back to Brother Power and Sister Sun talking to their boss, THE HATE MONGER. I must tell you about the Hate Monger because characters like that are why I love comics. So many insane crazy ideas. The Hate Monger first appeared in Fantastic Four #21 in like the early 1960s, and at the end of the issue he was found out to be....Adolf fucking Hitler. I'm not joking, which personally is pretty funny to me, having the Fantastic Four fight Hitler, who the hell wouldn't read that? If you say you wouldn't you can kiss the fattest part of my ass. Sadly, this Hate-Monger is not really Hitler and just another bad guy in disguise, but you'll have to wait for the reveal on who it is, or just check the internet. I'm sure someone out there is just as sad as I am and feels like talking about 30+ year old Spider Man comics.


Now we get a little Flashback, talking about why Sha-Shan decided to join with these other jerks. It turns out that her father had decided to ask her to do this for him, because he sensed the evil within the HATE MONGER (even the name is awesome!) and knows that the HATE MONGER totally doesn't trust Achmed Korba (god damn I so want to say Kobra) even though he has chosen him as his emissary of hate, the HATE MONGER is nobody's fool and decides to make it so that he has to link up with one of Purity and Innocence, which happens to be Sha-Shan.

Well it seems they got to the HATE MONGER'S house and Spidey finds out who Brother Power and Sister Sun were working for, but ends up getting electructed while on a telephone pole (seriously dude you should know better) and ends up getting captupured, and so do his pals Flash and Razorback.  The last page has THE HATE MONGER telling our heroes that they will be killed and that they will be made to look like the bad guys because they were just hurting a bunch of innocent religious wackos. And of course Spidey makes a joke, because he always makes jokes even when his life is on the line because he's crazy.

This is a pretty good issue, it moves the story along. Introduces a  new character (one I'm really sad they didn't use more often, other than this story, Razorback appeared in a few issues of She-Hulk's second series (along with U.S. 1, yes, they met up. MY FANTASY WAS REALIZED. Razorback is a fun character and I wish he was used more) Spider-Man's quips are pretty funny, and the story is pretty good too. Come back whenever I decide to talk about Part 3 (who knows with my weird ass ways of updating it could happen 3 o clock in the morning or in 2 weeks from now) to see who is the REAL mastermind behind it all. Or if you are unresonable ungrateful ASSHOLE I suppose you could just look elsewhere on the internet.

Spectacular Spider Man #12 Part 1!

We'll we are going back in time today. WAY back in time, to a more beautiful time, a healthier time, a happier time, a fucking strange time, the 1970s. The decade of bell bottoms and Saturday Night Live and Gerald Ford, and the most awesome Spider Man stories ever! but first a bit of boring history that no one cares about.. The Spectacular Spider Man was the third comic magazine starring Spider Man, the first being The Amazing Spider Man in 1962. The second being Marvel Team Up in 1972. I think the Spectacular Spider Man series had some of the BEST Spider Man stories ever, maybe it's due to nostalgia (instead of buying one new comic I would buy a few old ones at a old bookstore) but I loved the marvel comics of the 1970s and 1980s. Gerry Conway, Peter David and the writer of today's weird ass story Bill Mantlo all wrote totally awesome stories.

                                                                               

Bill Mantlo was born November 9th, 1951 in Brooklyn, New York and wrote one of my all time favorite comic book series, Rom Spaceknight along with seventy billion other stories. Some of them were better than others but honestly they were usually pretty good solid stories that were pretty enjoyable to read. In the mid-1980s he decided to enroll in law school, and by the end of the 1980s he was working full time as a Legal Aid Society public defender in the Bronx. Sadly in 1992 he was struck by a hit and run driver while roller blading and suffered serve head trauma and isn't expected to ever fully recover. Sadly they haven't identified the piece of shit who did it to him.

Our story is a rather fun 4 parter. Yep this is going to be a long fucking review and I wouldn't blame you if you left right now. Seriously I wouldn't. First of this story introduces the greatest character ever. Well, maybe not greatest but I really fucking love this guy, you see during the 1970s and early 1980s there were a popular series of movies intitled Smokey and the Bandit, and I guess Bill Mantlo really liked those movies so he decided to create a character based off of them. He's a trucker who dresses up as a giant pig and calls himself Razorback. AND he has a remote control truck that looks like a pig! AND this story was made several years before U.S. 1!

                                                                                   

Our story starts in Spectacular Spider Man #12 printed in November of 1977 and it starts with Flash Thompson and Peter Parker playing tennis. Flash is wondering about his girlfriend Sha-Shan who was a Vietnamese national who saves Flash's life during the Vietnam war (remember this is the 1970s after all!).
It turns out that she got married! to some bad guy named Achmed Korba. Peter is just complaining about his bruised arm which happened during issue 175 of The Amazing Spider Man IF I recall correctly, I'M actually way too lazy to check so I guess we will say it did happen in that one issue.

                                                                              
So they keep playing the game until Peter Parker's Spider Sense goes haywire and he hears something off in the distance, so he goes off to get his Spider Man costume and Flash goes off to see what is going on (he of course tells Flash he went off to get his camera) and it turns out to be the gathering of a crazy ass cult being ran by two crazy fuckers in costumes and HOLY SHIT WHAT A SHOCKER. one of them turns out to be Sha-Shan (under the name of Sister Sun, her husband is Brother Power! Yep that's right her husband is running a cult and guess what he has superpowers, because every single asshole in the Marvel universe seems to get superpowers). They knock out Flash and fight Spider Man. Then it turns out they have the legal right to be there! BUT YOU CAN TELL HE'S EVIL! DAMN PIGS!

                                                                                  

Peter goes to learn more about Korba and his Krazy Kult (I really like that lame joke don't I?) and he learns that Korba (I mistyped this each time as Kobra) and it turns out he got his crazy powers from a meteor! well it turns out to be someone riding the meteor! (you'll find out who that is soon enough!) and then created a
cult! Peter then goes back to his apartment to find a note from Flash saying he went to find Sha-Shan SO Peter goes as Spider-Man and well he ends up with himself knocked out in an alley way with someone standing on top of him. Who is it?!!?!?! (hint: It's Razorback)

Part one of this story is pretty good, it gets you interested in whats going to happen next, has some nice action and makes you want to pick up the next parts so in other words, I think this is a pretty good issue and I hope you all will come back to my shitty ol' blog to find out what happens in the next 3 parts of the story, and yes I'm ending it here for two reasons 1) I must re-read the other parts of the story and 2) I'm tired of typing.

Hatris (1990)

Tetris may be the greatest game ever made. Seriously. It's easy to play, easy to learn yet challenging. I really think it's something people of all ages can enjoy, it's got memorable music and pretty good graphics and it's so god damn addictive. I really have to hand it to the Ruskies, they did a good job there, and I'm a big Tetris nut (sadly not very good at the game istelf) in the fact NOT only do I love Tetris, but I love every other Tetris style game from Dr. Mario to Yoshi. Tetris is great, Everything that is even remotely CLOSE to Tetris is great. Fuck Karl Marx, Alexey Pajitnov is the world's greatest Russian man.

                                                                                                                              
This game was also made by the same dude who made Tetris, and you can see he really milked that idea for every single cent it was worth, but while not very original (fuck It's just Tetris with HATS) it's really fucking fun to play, and it's got good graphics and decent enough music, and most importatly it's just as fun as Tetris and really who gives a rat shit about originality anyway, that shit is overrated anyway.

Yeah, that's all I really have to say about Hatris. It's a good Tetris clone, It's not exactly easy to find but it still won't cost you too much money.

Golgo 13: Top Secret Episode (1988)

                                                                                     
Golgo 13: Top Secret Mission is a rather popular NES title, I feel it has a very nice small little cult of gamers who enjoy it and its sequel, and yes I do put myself in that cult of people who like DUKE TOGO. First off, I never read the Japanese comic books that the character first appeared in, although I would like too. It actually looks awesome unlike well most every other Japanese comic book. I mean seriously that shit blows. Also he was in a live action movie and two anime movies I never saw and a arcade game I never played, and he's really damn popular in Japan where he was created. Which is one of the few cool things to come from that country. like Sailor Moon.............er I mean Godzilla.... yeah thats it.

                                                                             

OK, terrible attempts at comedy aside. Golgo 13 Top Secret Episode is actually a very neat game. First off it's one of the few NES games, with drugs in it (it's only cigarettes) sex (no joke) and violence, which really makes it feel pretty realistic, a assassin would get himself into that kinda shit every single day. The game has a pretty good plot too, admittedly I don't care too much about plots but this one I actually wanted to see to the end, so that's pretty fucking good for a NES game. Another thing is this game is pretty neat and it has several different modes of play, kind of like The Adventures of Bayou Billy except better done (not to be totally unfair to Billy as I'm one of the few people who like that game but FUCK they could have made it a bit easier!)

                                                                          

The different types of game play are as follows, really neat first person shooting sections, side scrolling sections, a SHUMP like stage (or is it two I forget) and 3D Mazes. Those god damn fucking 3D mazes. Everything else about this game I really like but not those fucking annoying shitty ass hell 3D Mazes that came from Lucifer's asshole. Seriously, they may look cool, I will admit, but I ALWAYS GET STUCK IN THEM. No matter what game they are in, I always get stuck, making them a very annoying part of the game. Luckily, the rest of the game shines. Although I will say that the graphics are rather drab, but that music is ROCKIN', and to be fair you get enough continues so that you can beat the game, and it's not THAT hard, even with those annoying mazes, although the last boss does give me trouble and I still haven't beaten him.

Golgo 13: Top Secret Episode is a game worth getting AND the best thing about it, is that it's pretty damn cheap. I'm sure this game isn't going to cost more than $3 or 4 dollars, 5 dollars at the most, and  I think it's worth that much money. It's pretty much the only licensed nes game where you get laid!!

Family Feud (1990)

                                                                                   
I'm not a very big game show fan, for one big reason, it's not that some of them can't be interesting. Some have some very interesting and enjoyable gimmicks. The reason I don't watch too many game shows is because the host usually suck ass, they seem to enjoy getting the worst people to host game shows. FOR FUCK SAKE LOUIE GOD DAMN ANDERSON hosted a game show. Who the fuck wants to see that? Seriously, WHO? With that said when it's a good host, the show can be enjoyable, like Family Feud's Richard Dawson. He's a charming fellow. Oddly enough Family Feud was also the show Louie Anderson hosted. How can you go from Richard to Louie? Either way, There is no Louie Anderson in the NES Family Feud game.

                                                                          
I find it pretty weird that more people don't talk about the game show games on the NES. I really think they did a good job with most of them and yet you rarely hear a peep about them. Strange. Family Feud stays very very close to the show it's based on and is a pretty fun game. Sure the graphics suck and the families look really fucking weird and goofy, and the music isn't very good either. BUT the game IS a fun game. I've said before music and graphics don't make a game good. It's the gameplay and the gameplay is solid. The gameplay is pretty much what it would be like to be on Family Feud in where you answer questions for money and whoever gets the most money at the end can go on to Fast Money. It's pretty much that easy. The only real problem I have is that it seems the X takes it sweet ass time getting up on the screen when I got something wrong. I know I'm a moron, you don't have to rub it in.

                                                                                  

Yep, I figure you should give Family Feud for the NES a shot if you are a fan of the tv show. Even if you aren't a fan of the show the game can still be pretty fun. I don't think it's one of the better game show games and to be fair  they are all a lot more fun with a second player than they are when you are alone, still It's worth the price you'll pay for a copy of the game. It really can't be more than $5.

Halloween Movie SPECTACULAR Part 2!!!

Well You've been waiting for it....well I doubt you really have been waiting for it, but you are going to get it anyway. A week after Halloween has ended I finally finished rewatching the Halloween series, and to be fair there are two movies among the series that I like a lot more now than I originally did! Why don't you join me into finding out which two movies they are!

                                                                                    
This is like if I recall correctly the SIXTH time I've seen this movie. And sadly that puts this movie along with Spaceballs, Care Bears 2: A New Generation, and Evil Dead 2 in a list of movies I've seen the most in my life time. As you can tell I don't rewatch movies too much.. I'm weird like that, but Halloween 5 does not deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as those cinematic masterpieces. (yes Care Bears 2 is a cinematic masterpiece piss off) You want to know why? Those movies mentioned above do what they set out to do and do it well, I honestly do think that. I mean okay It's been probably a decade since I watched Care Bears 2 but I'm sure it did what it set out to do well. Halloween 5 it simply does not do what it set out to do well, and that is scare or entertain. This movie to be completely honest, is fucking annoying. The characters are among some of the most annoying fuckers in the history of cinema. I seriously hate Wendy Kaplan because of her portrayal of Tina in this movie. Like I mean seriously god damn hate her, and I hope she is homeless now. and a crack addict. I also wish the same fate on those goddamn annoying cops (and the goddamn annoying music that plays along whenever they show up. YES, I know that's a homage to The Last House on the Left, but FUCK WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO A HOMAGE TO THE WORST PART OF THAT MOVIE?? like really?) but to be fair. Dr. Loomis is still really fun to watch and his scenes don't make me want to gouge out my eyes. Everything else in this movie does. Without a doubt, the worst Halloween movie.

                                                                             
Well I did say the last movie was the worst Halloween movie, so it makes this hunk of shit a runner up, and yes I do know about the Producer's Cut, and no I don't ever want to see it. I don't care if the producers cut made more sense out of the incredibly stupid plot, the plot is still fucking stupid. I don't care if the producers cut makes Casablanca look like a piece of shit. I will always very much dislike this movie. You want to know why? Because the god damn Thorn cult bullshit. Yes, thats right. Michael Myers is a part of a cult. I don't even want to begin explaining how god damn stupid that is. That is so fucking bothersome to me.. I don't even know where to begin. Seriously. That's just a god damn stupid fucking idea and I hope whoever came up with it was beaten with sticks (I'm not completely sure, hints around the thorn cult came up in part 5, which was written by Michael Jacobs, yes the same Michael Jacobs who worked on Dinosaurs and Boy Meets World, the director of the movie, and some other bozo. I don't know if thats something they did, or if its an idea the writer of this movie came up with, either way. Whoever it is, deserves a beating.. even if it was Michael Jacobs... what I like Dinosaurs and Boy Meets World) Also the characters aren't interesting and it kinda seems a waste to bring back Tommy Doyle from the first movie, and not much Dr. Loomis, but thats to be fair as Donald Pleasance died during filming, which is a god damn shame, because it has to suck having this pile of pig shit be the last thing you ever stared in.

                                                                                


Halloween H20 is actually a pretty entertaining movie. It tries its hardest to  be as good as the original movies, which is a good thing. It brings back characters, which is also a good thing. It ignores the last three movies, WHICH HOLY SHIT, IS A GOOD THING. (mostly because the thorn plot shit is goddamn stupid) it's directed pretty well. It has a pretty good plot in which Laurie Strode didn't die in a car crash and is really hiding out in California with her son and she's a headmistress of a very hoity toity school, which is a neat setting for a Halloween movie! I also like the tyrefrences to the first two, some repeated lines of dialouge, the Mr. Sandman song from the sequel, those were pretty neat to me. I really don't have too much to say about this movie other than It's a pretty enjoyable sequel with entertaining characters, a pretty good plot. The only problems this movie are easily explained. I mean you can't have any Dr. Loomis when Donald Pleasance is dead, and the poster is rather unoriginal and bland, but thats a problem every single fucking horror movie had during the Scream days, say what you will about the movies themselves, but FUCK did those posters suck ass.

                                                                            
I don't have much to say about this one either, except that I did enjoy watching it. I mean I fucking hate the retarded "oh it wasn't Michael's head she chopped off but a random cops head" bullshit plot line they dreamt up to bring back Michael Myers, but in the end this movie was entertaininghe may not be a very good actor, but you can tell Mr. Rhymes had fun doing this movie, sure a lot of his dialogue is absoletely retarded (which to be fair makes it funny) but you can tell he was having a good time there, AND frankly I'm glad he kicked Michael Myers ass, that was refreshing to see. SOMEONE TRYING TO ACTUALLY BEAT THE KILLER. I know. Crazy huh??? Also this movie has Michael Myers  versus a cute girl with a chainsaw. Now if that doesn't make you want to see this movie, I don't know what will.

Well, except for the two remakes, that's the entire Halloween series. You may be wondering what I think of the remakes, well, the original was a tolerable movie and the sequel just sucked. I don't really care about ever rewatching them and I don't really want to talk about them. I didn't particularly care for them. That's it. I hope you enjoyed this two part review of the Halloween series and if you didn't, I don't really blame you.

Exodus: Journey to the Promised Land (1991)

                                                                              
I may consider Color Dreams / Wisdom Tree / Bunch Games to be the worst company on the NES. I feel most of their games are some of the worst games on the NES, and even then they did put out some good games. I really like Spirtual Warfare a whole lot, even if it just a religious version of Zelda. And the game I'll be talking about today Exodus is okay and it's sequel Joshua is also an okay game. Nothing fantastic but decent playable titles. Plus the oddity factor of those games being based around the bible. Which is still really damn funny to me, but to be fair it was a good idea, religious people have money to spend and making games around religious ideals made them money, hell they are still in business in 2010. You can't say that about Tengen or American Video Entertainment. They may have made some really bad games but they are still kicking ass.

Something I should mention about Exodus is that it's pretty much the Color Dreams game Crystal Mines but some sprites changed around and stuff. So I guess that means Crystal Mines is also an okay game, and that I don't have to spend any time reviewing it. Crystal Mines was cooler though, in that game you played as a badass mining robot but in this game you play as Moses or some other bible guy, I mean I've said it before that I don't know shit about the bible. Also Crystal Mines wasnt the only game they changed around and re-released it, they did the same with Menace Beach (oh god) which was remade into Sunday Funday (oh god again) and I've beaten both of those games, mostly because I'm mentally ill, and don't take that as a joke either, you really should play either of those games for a second and then you'll realize I'm crazy for spending more than a second with either of them.

Exodus, along with Crystal Mines were both puzzle games. I don't know if the levels were different or anything in either version because I haven't played too much of these games. Mostly because I've already played the better puzzle games on the NES. Adventures of Lolo 1-3, Kickle Cubicle, Puzznic, and Fire N Ice. I've already played each and every one of them and even beaten some of them and they all beat the shit out of this game. Seriously. I'm not going to really rag on the graphics because they aren't too terrible, and the music won't kill you. The reason this game isn't as good as those other games as it just feels slow. this entire game feels very sluggish. It's really hard to put into words, and the fact that you have to find the exit after you beat the level is really annoying to me too. Another weird thing is that you can pick the level you start on. You can pick either level 1, 11, 21, and so on up to 100 or so. That's a neat feature but I think I'd rather have a password feature. I just feel like I'm cheating when I do that level select thing. I'm weird I know that.

If you can get past the fact the game feels pretty slow, I think you'd find Exodus pretty fun. It's definitely not a bad game, but to be honest I don't think the NES HAD a really bad puzzle game. I don't care too much for Solomon's Key but even then I don't think I'd call that game bad either. Still Exodus isn't as good as those other games but I think you could find a decent amount of fun in this game. It's no Spiritual Warfare, but it's also no Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu.